Long Distance Detour: Why Love From Afar Could Bring You Closer

So you’ve just met your PERFECT Match (Thank you It’s Just Lunch®!). You two connected from day one, the dates are flowing like Champagne (the real good stuff from France), and you feel like the pace of your relationship is at the perfect speed for your life right now (no nauseating NASCAR thrill rides but definitely not stuck in the slow lane either).

In fact, it is going "pinch me great" until you turn the corner and find an unexpected detour sign that reads a lot like "Promotion: Prepare to Travel More & Longer." Drats.

More time on the road without you, ahead. 

Your wonderful (and successful) someone is going to be traveling a lot more. Cue the gritting of teeth and the Journey songs. But before you throw up your hands and start desperately looking for an off-ramp, here are some real Detour Details.

In the first 3 months of dating. 37% of couples can find themselves in some sort of long distance relationship (versus the disgustingly happy couples that live in the same town).

In the first 6 months, that number can reach 42%.

After 8 months, that number falls to 11%*.

The results of the complete study found that the staying power, of a compatible couple dealing with long distance, was just as strong as those couples who never were apart. So It’s Just Lunch® wants to let you know that long distance detours don’t mean the end of the dating road trip-just a change of scenery.

To keep the spark alive in your long distance relationship, here are a few tips:

Log Some Online Face Time
The benefits of video calling are well-known but setting aside time for a Cyber Date Night takes it above and beyond. Don't treat it like just a call. Take the time to interact with one another. Let there be pauses and the usual winding conversation that goes beyone what you did today and plans for tomorrow. It is the sharing, exploring that will help to cement the bond even from afar.

Emails, Texts
These are little things that can go the distance in telling your loved one that you miss them or are thinking about them.

Join Them For The Weekend
While you may not be able to travel for their entire trip, join them in the city for the weekend. Turn it into a couples retreat rather than just a business trip.

Make the Return Special
Plan something fantastic for the two of you to enjoy upon the other's return. This will give you both something to look forward to and plan. Anticipation ups the excitement ante.

Happy Dating!


*Study conducted by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships

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Wait! 3 Reasons to Hold Off on Getting Engaged on Valentine's Day

It's easy with red paper heart decorations popping up in grocery stores and window displays at the mall to start thinking about popping the question. But before you invest in a ring or practice taking a knee, there are a few things to consider.

Why Are You Asking?

Is it because you can see yourself together for many years to come? Can you imagine investing in a house, two cars, a family and eventually a retirement home . . . together? Or are you feeling a bit of pressure from the lover's holiday? Family? Your significant other? If you are considering proposing for any other reason than the want to start a life with them, can it. It will save you heartache in the long run. Because it's the 14th is never a good reason.

Is It Love or Settling?

Surprisingly, many people fall into the trap of committing to someone because "they will do." Maybe they are tired of dating. Perhaps a person believes this is as good as it is going to get for them in the love department (usually a self-esteem issue). Either way, many people find themselves "settling" for what they believe is the best they can get. Times have changed. We are no longer fishing for a mate in our backyard ponds. With the Internet and openness to move, the dating pool is huge. If you aren't gaga over the guy or gal in your life, reel in the relationship and recast your line. You (and the other person) will be happier for it.

Go For Broke -- Just Not on Valentine's Day

I know. I know. It's a day of romance. Florist, card shops and chocolatiers love it. If you want to make an impression on your significant other, don't follow the recipe of doing the deed on a commercial holiday. Make it special for the two of you. Take the proposal up a notch but avoiding the cliche of doing it on February 14th. Create a special day that is just for the two of you.

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Fear of Being Single and Dating for the Sake of Valentine's Day (or any Holiday)

With Valentine's Day and all the hub bub associated with the February holiday, it is easy to feel the twinges of discontent at one's single status.

But celebrating the 14th isn't all roses for some couples. In fact, recent research from the University of Toronto says it could be a symbol for those who settle for second best in a relationship only to avoid their greatest fear of being alone.

According to the research as reported in an article on CBC.ca, people were willing to settle for less than their ideals  in order to have someone there. Bluntly stated, they would rather be miserable than alone.

This fear is grounded in societal pressures and expectations that have been present since our ancestors started creating tribes. From parents looking for grandbabies to the images furnished by Hollywood flicks, we are inudated with pressures to pair off.

The irony comes from the fact that many of the people afraid to strike out on their own actually feel alone even in their relationship. You've heard the expression of  it's "like living with a stranger" or "we're just two ships passing in the night."

The key here is to realize that no relationship is better than the wrong one. If your partner isn't making you a better person or lifting you up, it is time to hit the bricks.

You can only change your romantic story if you start on the journey. If you find yourself in less than an ideal situation, don't let the fear of not having someone keep you tied down. Use this Valentine's Day to celebrate yourself and the new direction you are headed.

Resources:

• CBC.ca: Why Being Single Can Lead to Bad Choices

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Dating: Worth Taking the Risks

“I encourage you to live with a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.” -- from Dr. Wayne Dyer in his book, Pulling Your Own Strings.

We all have "the one who got away" in our dating histories. The gal or guy who was perfect for us but we were too scared, hesitant to tell them. Those moments where we wish we had been braver, spoke up and believed in ourselves more.

Oh, we resolve to confess our hearts to the next one only to blanket ourselves in caution once again. Our chance at love is lost due to our fears of rejection. 

According to Margie Warrell, author of Brave, "we are innately risk averse and afraid of putting our vulnerability on the line. The status quo, while not particularly fulfilling, can seem like an easier, softer, less scary, option."

Although we can't 100% control when or how we'll find love, one thing's for sure, we won't ever meet The One if we refuse to get out of our comfort zone and take a few risks. This means talking to the cute barista. This means saying "yes" to coffee with a friend of a friend's cousin who is in town. This means approaching "yet another" first date with excitement. 

Break free of the status quo. Do something different. Do something brave. Be vulnerable. Take a risk. 

"The One" will thank you for it.

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Make 2016 Your Best Dating Year -- Call Me!

My Facebook feed on New Year's Day was full of hope that 2016 would be an awesome year. They are going to shed those few pounds, stub out their smoking habit or make reading one book a month a literary habit.

What about your love life? Many people don't post their goals for finding the one, but it ranks up there as one of the most popular new year goals. If you're single and interested in making this year your best one yet, let personalized matchmaking help you reach that goal.

What is Personalized Matchmaking?
Matchmaking takes the personal legwork out of dating by outsourcing “the search” for interesting, like-minded individuals. As your professional matchmaker, it is my job to hand-select matches for you based upon the information given during your initial interview. I also take into consideration the on-going feedback received from you after every date, as dating is a fine tuning process! I'm interested in your desires, goals and what motivates you. Then, I utilize that data combined with my experience and instincts to keep improving your matches.

Who Uses Personalized Matchmakers?
Singles who are short on time, looking to extend their dating circle and looking for a more serious relationship.

SHORT ON TIME
Did you know it takes over TEN HOURS of online dating browsing, texting, chatting before you go on ONE DATE. Even then, there is no guarantee that will be with someone who is interesting and you connect with without Wi-Fi. As I stated before, let me do searching and hand-select a match that you find interesting without the hours of browsing.

FIND LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
I have a lot of clients who are very active in the community and in the business world who come to me specifically because they don't want to date within those circles. It's too uncomfortable or too many gray areas. I get that. Let me introduce you to people will similar goals, interests and likes who are outside your circle of friends but within my database.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
Singles who are ready to make a serious commitment reach out to matchmakers. They are looking to go beyond the "just looking for fun" relationships to someone looking to settle down. They are looking for the one. Just like you.

Sound amazing? Well, here's what you do next . . . CONTACT ME!
Contact me at itsjustlunchtoronto.com or 1-416-703-3900 to schedule a discreet, confidential interview. I want to learn about you and determine what you are looking for in a potential partner. I work directly with busy professionals that are looking for "The One." Our clients range from mid-20s to upper 60s. They are of various ethnic and religious backgrounds, education levels and professions.

Let's make 2016 your best year yet. Let's get started now! Contact me at itsjustlunchtoronto.com or 1-416-703-3900 .

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New Year's Resolutions for Singles

By now, you've probably started to think of some New Year's Resolutions. Exercise more? Purchase one less latte a week from your favorite cafe?

Well, if you're like most single people, one of those probably has something to do with a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

The talented first date experts at It's Just Lunch Toronto can give you a hand with that last one. But we also have some other suggestions for you to help make 2016 your best year of dating yet!

Here are our Top 3 New Year's Resolutions for Singles:

1) Be open to meeting new people. Smile more. Talk to strangers. Take a leap of faith. It won't hurt, we promise.

2) Be positive about dating and each of your dates.  Dating can sometimes feel like work. Difficult, difficult, lemony difficult work. And sometimes, when we're not in a great headspace about it, we forget to give our dates the benefit of the doubt. Maybe s/he doesn't look exactly like our dream man/woman.  Maybe s/he said something early in the date that was off-putting. Being more positive about dating and each of your dates will earn you more better dates in the long run, guaranteed.

3) Be good to you. Take that class you've always wanted to take, or that dream vacation. Join the club or the gym...  Whatever it is that you've been thinking of/dreaming of that will bring you joy and happiness. You deserve to be happy and self-fulfilled.

Happy New Year!

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Surviving the Holidating Season

It's the season of love, generosity, joy to the world, peace on earth . . . and, of courses, the added pressures of shopping for loved ones, holiday parties and Christmas plans with the family.  Not to mention, there's that special someone you have recently met and want to get to know a bit better.

The holiday season can easily push two people towards coupledom too soon or it can let a new spark fizzle out due to other commitments.

So, what is the right holiday protocol? After three months of dating, should you invite someone home to Alberta where your mother will inevitably express her desire for grandchildren while passing the cranberries?

Or will your date get the wrong idea and assume things are getting serious? On the other hand, if they are not invited, they might be offended and think you don't care. What do you do?

In our experience, the top three issues that cause issues during the holidays for couples -- no matter how long you have been dating -- is gift giving, family dinners and party etiquette.

Our advice for how you handle it comes down to two things: how long you have been dating and how you see the current situation.

FIRST THREE MONTHS
Spend Christmas with your family and call him or her from home. It's too early to expect that you will spend the family-oriented holiday together.

THREE TO SIX MONTHS
Bring them to a friend's house or holiday mixer, but it may be a bit early for meeting the parents if they live out of providence.  However, if you all live in the same region, it is probably okay to invite them over Christmas dinner. Feel it out.

SIX MONTHS PLUS
If your family hasn't met your new honey, now is the time. It can be a bit nerve wracking and you might not have much of an appetite -- so be prepared. If you are invited to a family event, be on your best behavior, dress appropriately and volunteer to do the dishes.

Will there be issues? Sure. The mark of a strong couple isn't in the number of problems they face but in how they face those issues. A strong couple can work through the stressful periods and emerge closer than ever. Think of this as just a couple test that you will pass with flying colors.

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Bring on the Heat for the Second Date

Ok. We’ve all been there. Fighting off the first date jitters can be quite a job.

A call to the best friend for support, a bottle opener and designated driver, or even a quick chat with your therapist (the first available neighbor at the mailbox).

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SECOND DATE?

Those first date jitters grew into real anticipation in the past few days and now, expectations of another great time are running high. This could be the "make or break" date for you, depending on how smoothly the evening goes.

And here comes the mental hamster wheel...
“What if tonight isn’t as good as last time!!???”
“Were they really that attractive or was it just really excellent lighting??!!”
“What if I LOVE tonight and they decide they don’t want to date anymore??!”

Ok. First off. Breathe. Second. You have a date to get ready for, so here’s a little insight. The first date ice is broken, and to keep things going,well you need to warm things up...literally!

At this stage, you want to spend time with the person of interest to see how you relate to one another and notice if there is any chemistry. Choose a place that is comfortable and suits both of your tastes.

Research has been done that proves that physical warmth impacts perception of a person’s physiological warmth. What? No really. Dr. Amy Muise*, a social psychologist, revealed a study that showed offering a hot cup of coffee as opposed to an iced-coffee to someone, positively influenced the opinion of the receiver of the beverage...the person who was offered something warm (soup, a beverage, whatever) rated the person who offered the warmth as more "friendly" and "trustworthy" as opposed to the participants who were offered something cold. All good opinions, especially for a second date.

So, the lesson? When it’s time to order...BRING ON THE HEAT! Maybe opt for teriyaki instead of sushi, coffee instead of iced tea, and you’ll have a better chance of securing that third date!

*http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/8/9/how-to-warm-things-up-on-your-next-date.html

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Laws of Attraction: Learn to Tell Stories

Have you ever watched the guests on late night talk shows? Whether it is a political figure, a silver screen sweetheart pushing her latest movie or one of your favorite singers, each guest has a story to tell their audience and host.

 The stories are usually some odd event that happened on the way to the studio, their most recent shopping adventure or the awkward airplane moment. In their brief few minutes on the stage, the guest pulls in the studio audience and those watching from the comforts of their recliners by giving them a glimpse of their day and of their humour.

Short stories are the key to engaging your audience . . . and your first date.

Human beings have been bonding over stories since developing the means to communicate. It's how you present your world, what is going on and shows your vulnerable side.

 The key is to have a few good stories waiting or at least prepared for your first date. The ones that are positive, emotional or informative are the best ones. How did you get your job? Why did you move to this town after college? How did you get involved in your favorite hobby? What exciting thing happened today?

The organization and layering of the story is what helps to establish the bond between you and your date (audience). It's sharing a bit of you or your day that creates intimacy. Think about it. When you barely know someone and they ask about your day, you might say "fine" or "busy." But when it is a close friend who inquires about the status of your day, you reveal a bit more. You may be willing to go in-depth about the current project or latest interaction with your boss.

 Think of at least one good story about you that shows a bit of who you are before your next first date. It may be the most attractive thing you do.

Resources: 

• Four Ways to Use Words to Build Relationships (PsychologyToday.com)

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Interesting Toronto Singles are Seeking . . . YOU!

It's Just Lunch Toronto is seeking . . . YOU!

As a matchmaker, I am always looking for possible matches for my Toronto area clients.  These professional men and women lead busy, fulfilling lives with friends, family, career and travel. Yet, a successful love life is the one aspect they desire. They are motivated to find a partner to share all that life has to offer.

Are you interested? Please email me at date@ijlelite.ca or fill out this confidential online application.  I would love to chat about this unique dating possibility with you.

Learn more about It's Just Lunch Toronto or follow us at facebook.com/IJLToronto for dating tips and more on featured singles.

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Lean In, Think Big When It Comes to Love

There's been plenty of buzz around Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In Movement. The bare bones of the idea is to encourage women via forums, groups, lectures, circles and other methods of support to "lean in" to their careers. Push forward towards positions of leaderships.

I believe in the well-rounded person. If you are working to advance your career using a "lean in" approach, let's use the same technique to push forward with your relationships goals.

"My what?"

That's right. I said goals. You spend time, money and energy on your career, workouts and finances. Now you need to focus on romance. Life is about creating balance in all areas of your life. It isn't about letting your career dominate and push all other aspects into the background. Embrace your ability to multi-task and think big when it comes to love.

Here's how:

1) Call On Your Friends
If you needed help with a project, achieving a promotion or getting a business off the ground, you would send out a "hey, help a friend out" email to your contact list, Facebook friends and "circles." Why not when you are dating or even thinking about jumping into that pond? Your friends, if they know you are looking, will help you find the way to true love. The more the merrier.

2) Find Yourself While Dating
Dating is a chance for you to learn more about yourself. It's the Golden Ticket for you to try something new, such as a class or sport. It's the opportunity to date outside of your usual professions, age ranges or hair colour preference. This is a time to challenge yourself, your likes and who you are.

3) Check Your Expectations
Not every business meeting ends with a new client signing on the dotted line, but you will feel better about each meeting if you didn't walk in there with that expectation. Approach dating as not just looking for an important relationship, but as enjoying life. Date with the intention of making a new friend rather than expecting to meet your life partner.

It's Just Lunch Toronto has specialized in being the support team for thousands of single daters. There is no better place to find good advice about dating than from people who have gone through it before -- in our case, more than 50,000 times a month. If you want a bit more help, confidence and support in dating, try our matchmaking team. Visit www.itsjustlunchtoronto.com or call us at 1-416-703-3900.

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Toronto's Bachelorette of the Week

Guys, I hope you’re ready because we’ve been interviewing some incredible women lately! Here is a little bit about a new female client that we’re all excited to be working with and matching:

Not only is our bachelorette a fun-loving blonde hair/brown-eyed stunner, she has the smarts to back it up!  She is a successful entrepreneur in her mid 30’s with a creative flair and the proud Mom to her son. She is very fit and active, she loves boating, cottage life and running marathons! She has an ongoing “love affair with France and Italy” that pairs well with her appreciation for fine wine and great food. Our beautiful “Bachelorette of the Month” is looking for a man that she can laugh with and has a positive outlook on life to possibly join her in her future travels! Is this you?

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Stepping Out of Your Dating Rut

The definition of rut is "a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change." A dating rut is like watching NASCAR, it feels like you are making laps with the same people.

There are moments of dating that the whole process seems difficult difficult lemony difficult. It's exhausting. You're spending more money on dates than you are on rent. I get it. We've all been there.

Like any good sporting or life coach will tell you, if something isn't working -- change it. The easiest areas of dating to alter is your attitude, the venue and your "type".

Change Your Perspective
Your dating life starts in your mind and gets reflected into your actual experiences. If you focus on the negative aspects of dating or your date for the evening, you will only ever see the negative. Try taking one positive aspect away from each date. It would also help to go into each encounter with a sense of adventure or excitement rather than dread and fear.

Change of Venue
Feel like you are doing the same thing over and over again? Whether it is the same pub, restaurant or neighborhood, shaking up your dating venue or activity can put a spark into the routine. Instead of meeting up for dinner, think about coffee or lunch. Personally, I think weekend brunch is the ideal. You have time to connect, can make it short and you still have the rest of your day.

Change Your "Type"
Obviously, everyone has preferences when it comes to their ideal mate. However, these preferences can be a bit limiting if they don't allow ourselves to explore new people or new ideas. Look beyond your normal (but within legal) age range. Date someone a bit shorter or outside of your profession. Give into impulse and accept that lunch offer from the delivery guy. Step out of your norm.

Dating is a numbers game. The more potential mates you meet, the more likely it is that you will find the one.

If something isn't working, change it. It's the only way something new will happen.

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Be the CEO of Your Dating Life

You know what you want in a car or the dimensions of a TV. You have zeroed in on your favorite toothpaste and only purchase your favorite dark roast bean for your morning cup of Joe.  You know what makes you comfortable at home and efficient while at work.

For many, dating is the one area where people flounder when it comes to reaching beyond their comfort zone. A lot of people are unhappy with their dating life.  In a world that is obsessed with having the world at our fingertips, the dating scene has morphed to keep up with the ever-changing technological shifts and it is no where near maximizing efficiency.

Rather than waiting to see if Mr./Miss Right would give them a ring, people are taking matters into their own smart phones. They are able to research a potential date via Google, view social media or dating profiles and weed out those who don’t meet their basic criteria.

If it sounds more like HR sifting through job applications, that's because it is. The dating landscape has mutated. People are no longer waiting for fate or serendipity to step up to the plate but are being proactive about their dating life. Singles are taking a CEO to their dating life business — investing time and money to bump up the efficiency number without taking them out of a comfort zone.


Here are just a few other areas where your inner CEO should take over and decide the direction of your love life:

1) Interview More Than One Candidate
If you were interviewing candidates for a position within your company, you wouldn't pick the first person who walked through the door with a resume, would you? The more potential partners you meet, the greater your chances of finding the ideal one.

2) It's All About the Branding
You are the product. How would you position or present yourself to your target demo (single)? What about your look, style, posture or even attitude? What you put out there is what you get back. Negative thoughts produce negative results. Know what you have to offer and that you are a hot ticket. Talk about your positive aspects and keep a positive outlook. You are the product. Sell yourself well.

3) Network to Further Your Goals
Networking is something we all have to do at one time or another. Whether it is a cocktail party or a chamber meeting, you know that the connections may start there but carry forward.  Dating, like business, has a way of starting in the most unusual places. If you are looking to extend your dating network, every encounter becomes the starting point for something amazing.

4) Build Trust, Solidify Relationships
In order to win and maintain clients, businesses must build up trust. It comes in stages and there are steps to building it. What's your motivation behind the relationship? Where do you want to go? Same with dating, building trust creates a strong foundation for future developments.

5) Address Problems Promptly
Little issues have the tendency to become really big ones. Businesses do well by resolving issues quickly. As in dating, confronting problems head on saves headache in the long run.

6) Pick a Complimentary Partner
Magic happens when you and someone with complimentary strengths join forces. The two of you are able to accomplish more then the two of you could do separately.

In the end, you are looking for the perfect match.  While the other party may not be perfect, they are the perfect match for you.

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How Successful People Can Be More Successful at Dating

It's the old story replicated in Hollywood movies, self-help books and on dating profiles: the attractive, smart, witty, funny, successful business person who has been unlucky in love.
It's a story we are all familiar with and may even be the starring role in the current remake.

How can these successful professionals use their skills to get a promotion in their love life? Here are a few ways:

1) Be Proactive
In the business world, top sales personal and managers don't wait for the right person to walk through the door. They seek out opportunities to mix, mingle, negotiate and sign on the dotted line.

Put yourself out there. Find ways to interact with people in your daily life such as at the coffee shop or waiting in line at the grocery store. Each encounter furthers your social skills and opens you up to the possibility of what could happen.

2) Be Willing to Take the Calculated Risk
There are no guarantees in the office and some decisions come with a certain amount of risk. There is risk of failure, ridicule etc. But it is part of the working landscape and helps us become better employees, and better people, in the process.

Take a risk. Show your vulnerability when connecting with a possible partner. Let them see the softer side. Reveal your dreams, hopes and grand ideas.

3) Polish Your First Impression
Make a fantastic first impression like you would during the interview process. Be positive. Smile.

4) Network. Network. Network.
Okay, so the person across the table from you may not be your dream guy or gal. Such is life. But they may be the middle person to The One. Nurture your connections and they will return the favor.

5) Ask for Resources
You ask for raises, promotions, additional help and more input on the job. Communicate with those around you about what it is you are looking for in a potential mate or, to the point, that you are even looking. We all need a little help from our friends.

Resources:

• How to Transfer Success at Work to Success in Love

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Listening is the Easiest Way to Impress Your Date

How often do you practice your "elevator pitch" for the upcoming networking event? How many times have you rehearsed what you should say on a first date? Or what you are going to say if they ask about work (family, hobbies)?

We all do it. It's our way of handling the expected -- nerves! Most of us approach a date thinking of what it is we want to tell the other person. Our personal "elevator pitch" that highlights our successes, accomplishments and what makes us a great catch. Rather than a conversation, the back and forth exchange starts to sound like a retelling of our relationship resumes. Not really talking, just getting out what has to be said.

The easiest way to turn the date around is with three simple words: Listen.  Reflect.  Respond.

Listen to what your date has to say. Think about what was just mentioned. Respond with a question that furthers the conversation or add your RELATED story.

Men and woman are more impressed with a potential partner who talks WITH as opposed to one who talks AT them.

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Add Dimensions to Your Relationships Beyond Words

Any good designer will tell you that the key to creating a warm, comfortable room is by adding layers of variation in texture. It's what makes the space interesting. It creates depth. It adds dimensions to your home.

As a matchmaker, I think the same applies to relationships.

Love is a powerful emotion that can be conveyed much deeply through our actions and the little things we do. Add "variation in texture" to your relationship by showing how much the person in your life means to you. Go a step beyond saying the three little words. Remember the song that was playing when you first kissed. Leave love notes on their pillow when you will be away from home.

That same thought, don't get blindsided by someone who says the right words but their actions tell a different story. A guy who tells his girlfriend that he wants to spend more time with her and disappears every weekend to hit the links may not be the ideal mate.

Behavior has to add up. It will reveal a lot.

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A Second Date? How to Handle the End of Your First Date

The dinner is done. The tab has been split. The after-dinner mint consumed. Now what? Do you ask for a second date or let the moment pass? Well, to be frank, this is the part of the date that everyone hates.

Let Them Down Gently
If you're not interested in seeing them again, it's important to be straightforward. If the person isn't right for you, then it's better to deal with it head on right now than have it drag out over several emails, texts and IMs. Most people appreciate it when you speak your mind, but make sure you don't just dump your feelings on them. Be responsible and be kind. Don't make false promises about what may come next if you're not into it. Just thank them for a lovely evening and go your separate ways.

 Five Things to Say If You're Not Interested: 
1) "Best of luck and I hope you have fun on your future dates. Thanks again."
2) "I can see us becoming friends. I'd like to invite you to my next party."
3) "I had a good time but I don't think we have that much in common."
4) "I have a friend you might like, can I give him/her your number?"
5) "I feel the chemistry just isn't quite right between us." (Implies that it is a mutual thing.)

 Asking For Another Date If you've had a good time and you really like them, what do you need to do to seal the deal? Don't be afraid to say so. Be as enthusiastic as you feel. Say, "I had a great time and I'd love to do it again soon." Then hand them one of your business cards. The ball is in their court and they'll call if they are interested. If you receive a card, I recommend calling the next day to say thank you or indicate you would like to go on another date. 

Five Things to Say If You ARE Interested: 1) "I had a great time. Would you like to get together again soon?"
2) "Would you be interested in dinner next time?"
 3) "This was a great lunch. I'd like to get to know you better."
4) "I'm going hiking on Sunday and would love for you to join me."
5) "Now that the hard part is out of the way, are you interested in going out again."

 In the end, honesty is the best policy. Treat the other person as you would want to be treated.

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To Date or Not to Date Outside Your Profession: Pros & Cons

Do you or someone you know base your dating preferences on a person's profession or career? If you've ever wondered what it would be like to date professionals within your field or outside your industry, then this is the blog post for you.

After polling more than 4,000 singles, It's Just Lunch discovered that nearly 70% of professional singles preferred dating someone outside their industry completely rather than dating someone in a similar profession or position as themselves (10%), or someone with different position but in a similar line of work (10%), or someone in the same industry regardless of title or profession (10%).

Despite the fact that more than 2,800 singles agreed they’d prefer dating someone in a completely different industry than themselves, every relationship comes with its own unique set of challenges relative to the two people in a relationship together.

In Your Same Field of Expertise
Dating someone in the same profession can be a lot of fun, granted. It can bring the two of you together in an intimately close way that wouldn't be possible had you been working in completely different fields. You are able to share the same frustrations, the same work woes and you might even have quite a few colleagues in common. However, the novelty of it all may wear out sooner rather than later if you don’t have anything else in common besides your job. It will feel like your are surrounded by the office, even when you are no where near it.

This can also lead to unhealthy competition, especially if even just one of you is the really competitive type. You might find yourselves in a secret contest over who can outdo each other or get promoted faster within their respective organization. This can ultimately lead to heated arguments based from  feelings of insecurity and unchecked resentment.

Dating Outside Your Profession
On the flip side, dating someone who works in a very different field can be just as exhilarating, giving you a glimpse into a whole new world outside your realm. A real estate agent dating someone in law enforcement is going to see that profession in a whole new light just like a marketing executive dating someone in the medical field is going to see health field from a very unique perspective. From this perspective, you’d feel like as an outsider looking in, but through the lens of an insider.

Dating someone in a different industry can bring fresh and new conversation to the table, creating a more interesting and stimulating dialogue. While sharing different careers can make things exciting, it can also be hard to understand where your partner is coming from at times, especially when you know so little about her field of work making it all the more challenging to relate to her and help her with frustrations at work. This can create a lot of misunderstandings if neither party feels comfortable communicating their needs to each other.

The key takeaway here is that any relationship can work with if you have the ability to empathize with your partner and put yourself in their shoes, even if only for a moment in time. The more you communicate how you really feel about this here or that there to your partner, the easier it will become to understand where each of you are coming from during moments of potential or actual conflict.


Remember, your career is just a small part of what makes you unique. Don't boil your relationship down to just one aspect of it.

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Dating Pitfalls: "If Only . . ." Trap

"If only I could win the lottery."
"If only I would've taken that job."
"If only I could meet a nice, job-stable man."
"If only there was a decent girl in Toronto to marry."

Oh, the list goes on. The allure of the "if only" is that we utter it when things aren't going the way we want or expected. It's our way of saying that "if only" this occurred, our lives would be better, fuller, etc.

"The phrase “if only” is the spandex of rationalization. It can stretch as far as we need it to in order to accommodate the list of considerations we want to include," according to an article on Psychology Today entitled "The Two Words You Have to Stop Using" by Peg O'Connor Ph.D.

Those two words can lead you to dwell on the past or ruminate on mistakes without moving forward. It has the power to displace responsibility or take ownership of upcoming events off your shoulders. "If only" takes the reins from you and doesn't allow you to lead yourself down a chosen path to fulfillment.

It can lead to bitterness, resentment and hopelessness in your dating situation. Dating is meant to be fun and full of hope, opportunities and (realistic) expectations.

The three keys from breaking out of the "if only" trap are simple, easy and well worth the effort:

1) Stop Measuring Yourself
Don't dwell on what others have, can do or are wearing. Appreciate what you have to offer in a relationship and know that the right person will recognize it in you. Tell yourself that you are great just the way you are rather than "if only . . .". Leaving a great impression in your mind will actually give you a positive outlook -- on you and dating.

2) Focus on What You Have
It's human nature to find what we are lacking and lament upon it. Instead, shift your perspective and look for what you have. Great friends, excellent job and a great curling draw. By looking for what is right in your world, you stop ruminating on what could be "if only."

3) Postivity Breeds Positivity
Surround yourself with people who treat you with the love and respect you deserve. If you find yourself surrounded by overly critical or negative people, perhaps it is time to do a bit of weeding in your relationships. Dating can be a very vulnerable time and having a supportive, positive network of friends will breed the same in you.

Resources:

• Psychology Today.com: Two Words You Need to Stop Using

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