It’s Just Lunch Toronto Reviews from Matchmaking Clients

It's been a busy day of matching in the Toronto office. Nothing is more rewarding than hearing positive feedback from our clients! John from Toronto wants to share his IJL experience:

"The date coordinators in Toronto are professional and caring. I have been on some exceptional dates with a host of lovely talented women of substance that golf, ski, dive and much more. I would never have had the opportunity to meet these women in my day to day life. If you're a guy sincerely looking for a realistic lasting relationship this service is for you. As the saying goes you get what you pay for and in the case of IJL you get even more! Highly recommended." - John - Toronto, ON.

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Calling vs Texting: Why Singles Text Despite Preference to Pick Up Phone

Technology has no doubt greatly shifted the landscape of dating as we know it. In fact, texting has become the new first step in dating. Despite this growing trend, most professionals singles still prefer the old-fashioned way of communicating with someone they are interested in with an actual phone call. But if so many singles prefer calling versus texting, then why are those same singles more likely to text someone first than to call them first despite their preferences?

 

 It’s Just Lunch offers some insight into the calling vs. texting debate:

Convenience. For professional singles who lead very busy lives, texting is a matter of convenience because it allows them to multi-task. They can send a text message while they are keeping busy at work, going out to lunch or heading toward the gym. It’s a quick and easy way to start a conversation.

Intimidation. When it comes to shy singles, texting creates a comfortable barrier between themselves and the person they may be too shy to connect with on a personal phone conversation. There’s also less pressure to be witty or quick on your feet when you have time to think before you text.

Fear of Rejection. Some singles, especially the younger generations of singles, are more likely to text someone first after swamping numbers because they can avoid blatant rejection. Getting turned down via text isn’t so bad compared to getting turned down over the phone. Additionally, some singles are easily discouraged by an unanswered or unreturned phone call.

Icebreaker. Other singles use texting as a strategic first move to help break the ice before placing the phone call. The rationale behind the icebreaker text is that it increases the probability of having your phone call answered by re-establishing the initial connection that instigated the phone number swap in the first place.

What about you? Do you prefer calling or texting? Does your actual behaviour reflect that preference? Now that you know more singles prefer calling over texting, how likely are you to change your dating behavior? What are your thoughts about dating and technology? Share your thoughts in the comments below . . . or on our FACEBOOK page 

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Stopping to Smell the Roses

There sure is a lot of buzzing about online dating these days. The water-cooler which was once a glorious place to waste a few minutes of a very long day is now ruined with profile speak. Heck, you can’t even peacefully grind your teeth in the 10 items or less line without being subjected to a fascinating conversation about choosing the right “user name”. 

According to the commercials, featuring the most attractive people (models), with the whitest teeth you’ve ever seen (caps), there’s a hot model with perfect gums that practices your exact religion, subscribes to your favorite reading materials (Wow! They read too!), and is just waiting for you to jump online and find them. And if for some reason, you two don’t hit it off, there are 100 more just like them.

So does all this dental work live up to its promise? Are people really falling in love left and right like an episode of the Love Boat on ecstasy? 

According to a recent study*, what online dating has accomplished is a platform where  “romantic browsing triggers” happen. Instead of considering a potential partner on specific characteristics that would align with your true ideals, speedy decisions are made, based upon finding, “the best” profile, which of course includes a picture. This study found that when folks were faced with many profiles (up to 90), they made faster decisions, and wrote potentials off quicker, instead of weighing important information. These hasty decisions demonstrated that people forgot what they were really looking for in a mate. In contrast, those who had to select from say four people, considered real options, and complex information for a potential partner. This same study also found that going on a REAL date was more productive in truly getting to know someone, than just online chatting. 

The morale of the study? Take time to smell the roses! Focusing on what you want, going out on a date, and then deciding what comes next. We at It’s Just Lunch® are proud of our 20 years of dating success stories. No user names, no photos, ...ever. Just lunch with someone specifically matched to your interests and values.

*Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3–66.

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Is it just lunch or is it more?

As matchmaker, I often come across interesting studies that relate to the intricacies of dating and courtship. A recent study released by researchers at Cornell University really caught my attention…

The Researchers, Kevin Kniffen and Brian Wansink, were interested in the importance of what they refer to as ‘commensality’. Yes, I had to Google that, and it means ‘the practice of eating meals at the same table.’ They asked the question, “Does sharing food involve sharing more than just food?” And there answer was a resounding YES.

To investigate this, participants in their research study were asked to rate how jealous they (Study 1) – or their best friend (Study 2) – would be if their current romantic partner were contacted by an ex-romantic partner and subsequently engaged in an array of food- and drink-based activities. They consistently found – across both men and women – that meals elicit more jealousy than face-to-face interactions that do not involve eating, such as having coffee. These findings suggest that people generally presume that sharing a meal enhances cooperation. In the context of romantic pairs, they found that participants are attuned to relationship risks that extra-pair commensality can present. For romantic partners left out of a meal, they found a common view that lunch, for example, is not“just lunch.” In fact, knowing your partner is having lunch with an ex can trigger sexual tension!

Their tests found the lowest rated activity in terms of eliciting jealousy was email correspondence. A live phone chat was somewhat higher. The next step up was face-to-face interaction, over a coffee. But what was particularly interesting was the elevated jealousy recorded when the face-to-face meeting occurred over lunch, and involved eating a meal together, versus just consuming a beverage.

Now here is a fun part of their research report. They found it interesting that the world’s most successful non-internet dating service was called‘It’s Just Lunch’, and postulated that the implicit behavioural associations that relate to ‘communal preparation and consumption of food may impart an advantage to It’s Just Lunch’…as people intuitively know that there is more to this whole thing than just lunch!

Who knows if it does? But my two cents worth is that that Lunch is a great way to approach a first date. Because it is mid-day, it reduces the stress of ‘what to wear, and what to do after’. Because it typically has a time line of about an hour, it is a comfortable amount of time to get a solid first impression of someone you are meeting for the first time. And because you are in a public place, it gives you the opportunity see how a potential date interacts with others such as waiters, and so on and this always helps you gauge chemistry.

So my advice is to get out from behind your computer, put down your smart phones, and Do Lunch this summer with someone you find interesting. Maybe it will turn out to be more than just lunch!

But if you really like being behind your computer, you can read the full report at:http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0040445

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Geekology and Dating

Our gadget-obsessed, high-tech world has embraced the idea of “geek” as chic, whether it’s in television with hit shows like The Big Bang Theory or adding a pair of smart specs to your accessory bin.  But how does this trend translate into the dating world?
We discovered that the majority of people, 73% of men and 64% of women say nerdy qualities in a partner are cool, even normal for this day and age. But still, almost one out of four men and almost one out of three women think they would be turned off by someone who is a hard core geek.
It’s Just Lunch’s take: Intelligence is definitely sexy. Show your geeky side, but don’t let it dominate—unless perhaps you’re with a fellow geek. It’s one thing to flex your brain, but if it leads to awkward behavior then you’re doing it wrong.

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IT'S RAINING MEN IN TORONTO!

Pay attention ladies!

Our Bachelor-47
Our client is a very focused, intelligent, successful gentleman with a great sense of style looking for an attractive and vibrant woman to share his exciting lifestyle. He loves to travel to Europe, the Caribbean or to escape for a weekend to an exciting city. He truly is a carpe diem type! He pursues many interests including golf, cycling, fitness, live theatre, and even shopping! He has seasons ticket to attend sports events. He does some wine collecting and has enjoyed wine tours in France and Napa. He loves entertaining and overseeing the decorating of his homes.
We are looking for an attractive, intelligent woman with a very positive disposition who values honesty and enjoys being spontaneous and trying new things. Age:33-45

Our Bachelor-44
This elite client is an exciting, dynamic and very successful owner of several companies looking for an attractive woman who is ready to enjoy the world and life at its best. He lives between Canada, Europe and the South and enjoys boating and flying, music from popular to opera, golf, tennis and skiing. This is a very exciting and well balanced man. He has high standards and respects those close to him. The person who can always be depended upon by friends. He has traveled to over 150 cities, collects wine and fine art, and is a huge basketball fan.
We are looking for a self-confident, sincere and attractive woman who is self-confident but grounded. Age-29-40, 5'-5'8"

Our Bachelor-40
Our exciting bachelor is a very successful entrepreneur with exotic look, artistic finesse and a full sense of European style. He has traveled all of Europe, the Middle East and Asia and lived in three countries. Enjoying the best in life, wine, theatre, skiing around the world, and boating he is an avid tennis player and accomplished pianist, this gentleman is definitely one of a kind!
We are searching for that model-attractive, fresh, vibrant, fit, positive-minded, who can picture herself living traveling and living this exciting lifestyle- age 24-32, 5'6" and taller

Our Bachelor- 39

Our bachelor is a very sophisticated and successful owner of global tech companies. He has lived in and traveled to several countries and holds property here and in the South. His interests are broad and cover music from popular to classical, dance, theatre, museums, and films. He loves golf and has golfed around the world. He has a very romantic side and a spontaneous boyish side. Very fit and health conscious he enjoys basketball, the gym, boating, race cars and motorbikes, but balances this with reading, fine dining, chess and keeping up with world events.
We are looking for a very attractive, slim, classic European style woman who has a natural wisdom, finesse and a good family background. She must be interested in creating an oasis and making a relationship the priority. Age- 29-36, 5'6"-6', brunette.

Our bachelor- 39
A successful entrepreneur and very fit our client has exceptional good looks, loves the outdoors and sport. He enjoys cooking and entertaining friends and family, has respect for family and friends. Balancing life between the city and a lake house, he loves tennis, sailing, skating, and golf. He loves to take off for weekends and vacations on short notice.
Our client is serious about meeting a very naturally attractive, fit, active young woman with marriage and family as a future priority. Someone with strength of character and integrity but still spontaneous, positive and open to adventure! Age 28-33, 5'9" -6" 

Want to date the ELITE? Send us a photo and a short bio to DATE@IJLELITE.CA

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Dating Karma

It’s true – what you put out is what you get back! Whether you believe in the whole principle of karma or not, the idea behind it makes sense. If you are constantly thinking you’re too fat, too skinny, too old, too poor, too stupid, or too anything to attract a love match, chances are you probably won’t.

If you believe there are only jerks, gold diggers or messed up people out there, these are the people you will meet. If you think dating is a complete waste of time, then it will be! Negative thoughts produce negative results. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

If this sounds like you, then make a promise to yourself to stop it. RIGHT NOW! When you catch yourself in a negative thought, give yourself a little pep talk . Say “stop” and turne the thought around to something more positive. Give yourself a compliment about on of your strengths. You get the idea!

Happy Dating

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Give Chemistry a Second Chance

It has happened to everyone who has played the dating game.  It's the end of the date and you are lukewarm about the other person and on the fence about what to do regarding a second date. Before you write off this person as a potential match, consider giving chemistry a second chance.

Men and women, even though they try their best, often can't relax until the second date.  There's a chance that you didn't get to see who they really are because they were distracted by their own nervousness or events of the day.

In It's Just Lunch's e-book "20 Years of First Dates", one-third of surveyed singles reported that they have had a bad or lukewarm date lead to a longer term relationship. If the other person shows interest in going out again, consider saying yes.  There's a chance they see something you don't and it may pay off for both of you.

If you agree to a second date, change things up by turning the second date into a physical activity. Many people find it easier to open up and connect with someone when they are moving around.  

Looking for second date activity inspiration? In an article by Marie Claire, "51 Second Date Ideas," some of the ideas included making ice cream, going on a picnic, hitting the local bowling alley, picking fruit at a local farm, go wine tasting or visiting a museum.  Most of the suggested ideas were low on time investment but could produce giant results in the chemistry department.

A second date may be just want the two of you needed to tap into chemistry and make a more solid connection.

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Featured Single: Professional Seeks Girl-Next-Door

Are you the girl next door type who can go from jeans to ballgowns with ease and confidence? We want to hear from you.

It's Just Lunch is is seeking a tall, attractive, family-oriented and preferably brunette woman between the ages of 27 and 35 for one of our IJL Elite Private Search clients.  The ideal woman would also have an interest in fitness, strong family values and a zest for life.  A woman with her own success and motivation is considered an asset.

Our bachelor is a very successful, attractive 38 year old investor with a professional sports background.   He has a great sense of humour and an easy going personality. He loves spending time at his lake retreat and enjoying all that life has to offer.   He has a new found passion for gourmet cooking, collecting wine, and he enjoys entertaining and  spending time with friends and family.

If you are looking for a real, loving, long-term relationship with the fun loving, very attractive, down to earth 'man's man' described here,  send your response to date@ijlelite.ca with a recent pic. If you are selected you will be invited to the It's Just Lunch Toronto  for a personal and confidential interview with one of our Toronto matchmakers. No charge to you as fees for this search have been paid for by our client.

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Debunking Dating Myths, Part 1: Setting Expectations

For anyone going on a first date, there are lots of initial questions that can pop into one’s head, ranging from “will I be attracted to them in person?” to “what kind of plans should I make tonight?” It’s Just Lunch recently surveyed singles around the world to get a sense for the “state of the first date”.

Heightened expectations
Do looks really matter? Most people have natural attractions toward others based on hair color, skin color, body types, and so on. Even though we’re constantly inundated with images of sexy celebs and other attractive figures, most of the time we have a general idea of the type of person we like. Some people may have a specific type, while others are a little broader in their perspective—and having a firm opinion either way is a good thing!

However, we did ask both men and women a simple question that seems to come up time and time again. Does height really matter?  The results aren’t surprising. Typically, two out of three men want to date women who are shorter than they are, and they believe women want the same thing. Ladies, you overwhelmingly responded that you’d like to date guys who are taller, and believe men are on the same page. So what’s the takeaway if we all already knew this? Guys, do not fib about your height before going on a date. Adding an inch or two (no pun intended) really won’t help your cause, from a statistical standpoint.

However, when it comes to sheer attractiveness, women may not have guys figured out after all. We separately asked men and women if guys prefer looks to brains. Most women believe they do. However the guys told a different story: a majority of men would date someone who is smart over someone who just brings a pretty face to bring to the table. Ladies, use the power of wit and confidence to overwhelm your guy on a date.  Trust us, he’ll appreciate it.

The Money Question
When it comes to money, this question comes up on a date both directly and indirectly (and we’ll cover the direct part in a second.) According to our survey, both men and women candidly agreed that they want the other to make more money, which kind of brings us to an impasse. However, from what we can deduce, this isn’t about who brings home a larger paycheck. This is simply a matter of being on equal footing. While it’s nice to be able to pay for dinner or treat someone to an outing, it’s also nice to get some reciprocity once in a while.

On that note, our survey results revealed that seven out of ten women don’t always want the guy to pay the bill—and guys believed the same thing. Picking up the tab is certainly a nice gesture on a first or second dinner date, but it often isn’t required. The way we see it, if the guy picks up a tab at dinner; ladies, if you’re clicking along and having fun, treat him to an after dinner drink. Guys, if your date kindly insists on splitting the bill at dinner and you’re heading out for more fun, pick up her movie or drink tab later in the night.

To close out Part 1 of our survey, we asked both men and women the following question: “would women rather have champagne and lobster or burgers and a beer.” Again, the results were pretty clear on both sides, with 71% of men and an 82% of women responding that burgers and beers trump lobster and bubbly on a first or second date. Why? Simply put, the point of dating is to get to know someone. While it’s certainly important to impress, a nice yet casual dinner puts both men and women at ease and allows both personalities to emerge naturally. Head to a fancy restaurant, and you might not be as open as you think. Relaxed confidence is always sexy, so be human when you’re starting out and you might just click with your date better than you initially think.

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Real Chemistry Happens Face-To-Face

Dating can be complicated in today's modern world.  Busy professionals have a demanding work environment and daily commitments that make it difficult to find time for dinner -- let alone browsing online profiles, cruising the bars or enduring yet another blind date.

While technology makes communication easier, it doesn't necessarily make it easier to date, and a group of U.S. psychology professors released a report last week explaining why there is no substitute for face-to-face connections.

According to the review published in this month’s issue of the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest, online dating has three key services: expansion of one's dating pool, the ability to communicate with a potential partner prior to meeting them in person and the service selecting a match based upon an algorithm.  

The key assumption, according to the report, is that two people will experience better romantic outcomes "because the individuals are more romantically compatible from the start."

But Eli Finkel, psychology professor at Northwestern University and one of the  authors, says the typical online dating site doesn't improve one's chance of meeting a compatible mate for you can't judge chemistry. According to the report, the sites may be able to predict who appeals to an individual "in a profile but not necessarily in person." 

Finkel said in a recent article about the report, "There's no better way to figure out whether you're compatible with somebody than talking to them over a cup of coffee or a pint of beer."

And Jacquie Brownridge, director of It's Just Lunch in Toronto, Vancouver and Victoria, couldn't agree more.  

"You don't make a genuine connection with someone through texting.  But when you meet someone in person and share a meal, you see how they interact with you and the people around you," said Brownridge. "That's where true chemistry happens. Face-to-face and person-to-person."

From an article of February 2012 Women's Health Magazine, "Feeling a spark on a first date has less to do with looks and more to do with how at easy your feel, according to a recent survey of 5,000 singles by dating service It's Just Lunch." 

According to the IJL survey, 66% of singles say that on a first date, chemistry is more important to them than compatibility.  But what do they mean by chemistry?  Though 20% are sparked by physical attractiveness, and 7% by flirty or sexy banter, the clear winner is neither of those. Instead, it’s “feeling comfortable together,” the answer selected by 44% of the singles -- and surprisingly 49% of men.

When asked what people look for in terms of measuring the success of a first date, the number one item, with 45% of the vote, was “I felt comfortable being myself.”

Comfortable is definitely the magic word. There are things you can do to make someone feel more comfortable. But there is only so much you can do. There’s also a mysterious side to being comfortable with somebody that has nothing to do with any action you can take. It’s just . . . chemistry.

And, as we stated before, that can only happen face-to-face.


Sources:

• Report: Psychological Science in the Public Interest
• Article:  Online Cupids May Miss The Mark
• Article: Report: Online dating isn't the likely route to Mr. or Ms. Right

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Times Colonist: Single Best Reason For Valentine's Day

Are modern lovers overlooking the single best reason for Valentine's Day? An article by Times Colonist reporter Richard Watts says "It's one thing to say "I love you" with a valentine. But it can be powerfully romantic to use Valentine's Day to say "I am interested in you" or "I am still interested in you.""

In this day and age when online courtship has become a popular way to find one's match, technology has removed a lot of the person-to-person connection.

However, Watts' article states that "introductions through friends still remains the largest way couples meet. Fully 28% of couples, the biggest single category, report being introduced through friends."  Watts also stated that "meetings in bars and restaurants are a start for more couples than the Internet, with about 23 per cent."

This reinforces the It's Just Lunch belief that real chemistry happens face-to-face. 
"You can chat back and forth online," said Jacquie Brownridge, managing director of Just Lunch, a 20- introductory service operating in Victoria, Vancouver and Toronto, in the article.

"But when you actually sit down across from somebody at a table, look them in the eye and you have a conversation, see their body language, you either connect or you don't," said Brownridge in the article.

Looking to connect with your partner this Valentine's Day?  Make an investment in your significant other and your relationship by selecting a gift or activity you both can enjoy.  


"It would be nice if we did this all day and every day, but at least there is Valentine's Day that tells you to stop, smell the roses and let the other person know you appreciate them," Brownridge said in the article.

Read the entire article. 

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Dating, Chemistry and Timing

After interviewing a lot of single men and women on their dating experiences, It’s Just Lunch managed to get some real, inside information on what men and women are really looking for when they meet someone for the first time. We’ve offered tips on making a good first impression, flirting and wordplay, and tips for both sexes on what they expect out of someone on a first date. However, through all the tips and tricks, sometimes it just comes down to chemistry and timing. So what are those two seemingly nebulous yet important parts of a date? 

You Can’t Force Chemistry… But You Can Coax It Along
So what is chemistry? Most people aren’t sure exactly what it is, but they know it when they feel it. If you have good chemistry with someone, such as on a first date, you’ll want to pursue more time with him or her. If there is bad chemistry, then it’s unlikely you’ll want to see each other again. Whatever the case, most singles – almost 66% of our respondents – said that chemistry is the single most important part of a first date; more so than even initial compatibility. While a couple may not be perfect on paper, a first date may reveal a lot more than what is in a profile. In fact, almost 44% of singles said that if they “felt comfortable being themselves” it meant the first date was a success. And listen up, ladies: 49% of men said that being able to feel comfortable as themselves on a first date was a sure sign of a good one.

 On occasion, there will be times where a first date will reveal no chemistry whatsoever. While this isn’t a bad thing, it might mean that one person wasn’t comfortable opening up, or perhaps there was mutual defensiveness on both sides. Again, while you can’t necessarily force chemistry, you can take some of the tips we have covered on www.itsjustlunchvancouverblog.com to help coax it in the right direction.

Confidence Has A Lot To Do With Interviewing… That, and Timing
The comparison may seem a little cold, but let’s face it: first dates are very much like interviews. Exude confidence, be comfortable in your own skin, be interested and kind to your first date, and chances are you’ll get a second one. However, there is a window in which most people decide on whether or not they’ll want to see someone again. According to our respondents, 44% of women and 46% of men decide within the first twenty minutes whether or not a second date is in the cards. The good news is that since a previous survey in 2004, both men and women are gradually deciding later and later in the date as to whether or not they want to see each other again. For example, in 2004, almost 80% of guys decided whether or not to take a woman out again within the first 15 minutes!

Dating Material or Relationship Material?
If the chemistry and compatibility is right, most men and women start thinking about when they want see each other again. However, are they merely thinking about a second date, or are they thinking about a relationship? Hold on to your hats, guys: 45% reflected on a first date and then asked yourselves, “Is she relationship material?” On the other hand, almost 51% of women are more likely to consider whether they want a second date or not, while 39% asked themselves if a guy was relationship material.

Even though it seems a lot can happen within the first hour of a date that makes a single decide whether or not they want to see someone again, the best thing to do is just slow it down. Dating, and much like the relationships that can follow, are marathons; not sprints. With all the complex intricacies that can occur on in a first date, it’s tough to expect perfection. If we let our guards down a bit and relax, have fun, be comfortable in our own skin and make our dates comfortable in theirs, you’ll never know what kind of surprises you’ll discover.

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