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Wednesday 16 April 2014

5 Things You Secretly Hope Your Date Won’t Notice

A first date is all about getting to know the other person a little bit better and walking away with a sense of whether or not you want to see them again. And, vice versa. That's it. 

However, there are times when we may not be our stellar best during that first date encounter. Here are just a few of the most common dating blunders every single secretly hopes goes unnoticed during a first date:

All Nerves
Most singles dread the idea that their date will notice how awkward or nervous they feel on the date. Know that it’s completely normal and that chances are your date is just as nervous as you, if not more. Accept this as reality, but know that it only lasts the first few moments. People need a few minutes to feel comfortable, especially if they are the shy or introverted type. Take a deep breath. Focus on a positive thought ("I'm going to rock this!" or "Here's to meeting a new friend"). 

Too Much Pre-Date Prep
Another thing singles secretly hope their date won’t ever notice is how over-prepared for they might be for their date. This is especially the case for those with a tendency to do an online search of their date before meeting them in person. For these people, the way to get over their nerves is to rehearse exactly what they want to talk about or how they are going to say certain things. Going this route can make your comments sound fake.  Our best advice, refrain from Googling your date’s name, phone number or email address in search of talking points. Instead, spend your time researching current events or how to ask open-ended questions about thinks your don't know the answer to.

Less Than Stellar Appearance
Have you ever been tempted to cancel a date when a huge pimple shows up on your face the morning of a first date? Or spilled coffee on your shirt during lunch with no change of clothes or time to go home before hand? Whether it’s minor flaws like these, an uncomfortable outfit or a bad hair day, many singles quickly become self-conscious about their appearance. Good news is -- everyone has had days like that. In fact, sharing how the stain happened or why you are missing the heel of your stilletto is a great way to break the ice and it helps create a bond between you and your date. One word of caution, it is within your best interest to avoid drawing attention to your flaws. Think of it as a job interview and stick to your best attributes and traits. 

Dining Etiquette
Many people get so used to eating comfortably in their home or around their close friends and family, it slips their mind that their date is probably watching their every move. Singles would be mortified to watch themselves shove food into their mouths in front of their blind date because they weren’t mindful of basic manners. If you really want to show how classy you are at dinner, go to YouTube, type “dining etiquette” in the search bar and watch a few of the videos that come up for tips on how to present yourself. This will not only be good for you on a date, but it will also be good to know just in case you have a big meeting with a high-profile client or very important person within your company or industry.

Fidgeting
Many singles tend to fidget during a blind date if they feel uncomfortable. They wouldn’t want to see what their date could see if their hands were shaking, playing with their hair or biting their nails out of nervousness. Fidgeting is a sign that one is not relaxed and possibly wants to leave that date as soon as possible. Being uncomfortable during a blind date can be a hard thing to hide and many would be horrified to watch themselves fidget away in front of their date. Try to relax the best you can and be aware of your body language. When you catch yourself fidgeting, trying pinching yourself as a signal to the rest of your body to cut it out.


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Wednesday 9 April 2014

Top 3 Dating Challenges For Singles

Give your dating life a makeover with a fresh start this season by tackling and tossing out your dating perceptions: making the time to date, high expectations and too narrow of a comfort zone.

Make the Time to Date:
Okay, your work comes first. But that doesn't mean you don’t have time for love or can’t handle a relationship or dating. Creating a balance between work, life, love and family is doable — no matter how busy you are.The fact is: we all make choices in life. We all do what we want. If you are putting in 60 hours a week in the professional department and logging zero in the love area, the right one will not find his way to your downtown office . . . unless your crush happens to be on the postal carrier.

The reason to make time for dating, all the hassles included, isn't because it’s fun or easy. It’s not because it’s a sure thing or that each one will be a night to remember. It’s because if you don’t, you will never find the partner you deserve. They won’t be served up to you on a platter or delivered to your office like take out.
Dating is work — but you have to put in the hours to reap the benefits.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
After working with tens of thousands of clients through the years, I have found one piece of advice that makes the biggest difference as to whether people are successful at dating or not: "Get out of your comfort zone."

This doesn't mean let go of your "deal breakers." Obviously everyone has preferences. But those characteristics or qualities you feel you "have to have" can be awfully limiting when it comes to matters of the heart.  What it leads to is dating the same type of person over and over and expecting different results. Open yourself up to connecting with people who have similar core values but different professions, backgrounds and interests. Let go of some of the "have to have" qualities and focus on what's important.

Toss Out Your Expectations
People put way to much pressure on themselves during the dating process. You meet someone and think that "This has to work out. It could be six months before I find someone else remotely interesting." Or they try to envision their date as the father of their children. A date is simply a chance to get to know another person. That's it. Simple, right? It's not a time to decide whether or not she meets every single bit of your criteria for everlasting love. It's a date!

What's holding you back when it comes to finding that special someone? Consider perhaps letting down your guard the next time you head out the door on a date. Anything is possible -- if you let it.

Wednesday 2 April 2014

Pump Up the Positivity in Your Dating Life

How do you see your dating life? Are you embracing it for all it has to offer you? Or do you see it as more of a chore, a thing you have to do to move on to the next step? How you view dating may have an impact on how it progresses.

According to Barbara Fredrickson, author of "Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive", says that "positive emotions, like all emotions, arise from HOW you interpret events and ideas as they unfold. They depend on whether you allow yourself to take a moment to find the good, and on whether, once you found it, you pump that goodness up and let it grow."

Don't confuse positivity with "Pollyanna" way of thinking. It is not unjustified "everything is okay dokey" way of thinking but rather the power of "non-negative" thinking. It is a way of seeing something as it is without applying a heavy dose of raining on your own parade. It really comes down to how you talk to yourself.

Often times in the Age of Distraction, we allow our minds to become cluttered with worries, fears, doubts and demands. Our views become narrow as we focus on the negative, creating this downward spiral of emotions. It's also contagious. Once the negativity has been unleashed, it spreads through aspects of our life. 

The flip side of that coin is that positivity and related emotions are ALSO contagious. It can set off positive vibes for you and those around you. One act can inspire another. One thought can inspire another. 

Here are a few tips for inspiring positivity in your dating life:

Stop Measuring, Start Reassuring
You are a unique person with amazing talents and characteristics. If you believe you are special, you will attract a partner who appreciates what you have to offer. Don't judge yourself or compare yourself to others. You may be comparing your B- quality to their A+, but your overlooking your A+ attribute when you do so. When you catch yourself doing it, give yourself a compliment. Turn your thought around so it highlights your strengths rather than ruminating on areas you can build upon.

Step Outside Your Boundaries
Sometimes by doing the things we have told ourselves we "can't", we can the confidence because we could. Step outside your boundaries. Join Toastmasters, take a dance class or learn improv, go horseback riding or parachuting. Push through your fears and you'll find yourself thinking "I can" next time you encounter a hurdle.

Experience & Exposure
There are two things that generate confidence and a positive spin on activities: experience and exposure. The more you do something, the better you get and the more comfortable you are doing it. By dating more, it will reinforce positive feelings about yourself and boost your confidence in your ability. 

In the end, make sure you talk to yourself as you would your best friend. Be supportive and look for aspects that are less negative. It's a growth process for everyone.