Ideas for People You Love (But Can't Date or Marry) or Care A Lot About

Valentine's Day is not just about being in a relationship.  It's not just about a boyfriend or a girlfriend.  It is about showing those you care about that you love them and are grateful they are in your life.

Free - Wrap your favorite book (Life's Little Instruction Book, Grimm's Fairy Tale or To Kill a Mockingbird) in happy bright paper and enclose a little note "This is one of my favorite books and you're my favorite friend."

Free - Clean out your closet and take 10 great items to a local thrift store or your local women's shelter.

Free - Give your time.  Volunteer at a local community center, senior center or even Legion Hall. Make a difference in someone's life.

Under $10 - Buy a few boxes of cupcake mix, pick up some cherry vanilla frosting and pink icing.  February 13th, bake the cupcakes, frost and decorate by drawing hearts on each cupcake with pink icing.  Take the sweet treats to friends and family, a local nursing home or even your neighbors.

Under $40 - Purchase a new game and your favorite bottle of wine.Invite friends or neighbors over for game night.

Over $100 - Sign up your mom, your grandma and yourself up for a unique cooking class like how"How to Make Chicken Fried Steak" or "Learning to Make Sushi Rolls".

The goal here is to focus on what you have and not what you think your life is lacking. You have love and friendships . . . work on those relationships and you will be surprised as to what will happen to your life overall. 

Read More

Laws of Attraction: Learn to Tell Stories

Have you ever watched the guests on late night talk shows? Whether it is a political figure, a silver screen sweetheart pushing her latest movie or one of your favorite singers, each guest has a story to tell their audience and host.

 The stories are usually some odd event that happened on the way to the studio, their most recent shopping adventure or the awkward airplane moment. In their brief few minutes on the stage, the guest pulls in the studio audience and those watching from the comforts of their recliners by giving them a glimpse of their day and of their humour.

Short stories are the key to engaging your audience . . . and your first date.

Human beings have been bonding over stories since developing the means to communicate. It's how you present your world, what is going on and shows your vulnerable side.

 The key is to have a few good stories waiting or at least prepared for your first date. The ones that are positive, emotional or informative are the best ones. How did you get your job? Why did you move to this town after college? How did you get involved in your favorite hobby? What exciting thing happened today?

The organization and layering of the story is what helps to establish the bond between you and your date (audience). It's sharing a bit of you or your day that creates intimacy. Think about it. When you barely know someone and they ask about your day, you might say "fine" or "busy." But when it is a close friend who inquires about the status of your day, you reveal a bit more. You may be willing to go in-depth about the current project or latest interaction with your boss.

 Think of at least one good story about you that shows a bit of who you are before your next first date. It may be the most attractive thing you do.

Resources: 

• Four Ways to Use Words to Build Relationships (PsychologyToday.com)

Read More

Interesting Toronto Singles are Seeking . . . YOU!

It's Just Lunch Toronto is seeking . . . YOU!

As a matchmaker, I am always looking for possible matches for my Toronto area clients.  These professional men and women lead busy, fulfilling lives with friends, family, career and travel. Yet, a successful love life is the one aspect they desire. They are motivated to find a partner to share all that life has to offer.

Are you interested? Please email me at date@ijlelite.ca or fill out this confidential online application.  I would love to chat about this unique dating possibility with you.

Learn more about It's Just Lunch Toronto or follow us at facebook.com/IJLToronto for dating tips and more on featured singles.

Read More

Lean In, Think Big When It Comes to Love

There's been plenty of buzz around Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In Movement. The bare bones of the idea is to encourage women via forums, groups, lectures, circles and other methods of support to "lean in" to their careers. Push forward towards positions of leaderships.

I believe in the well-rounded person. If you are working to advance your career using a "lean in" approach, let's use the same technique to push forward with your relationships goals.

"My what?"

That's right. I said goals. You spend time, money and energy on your career, workouts and finances. Now you need to focus on romance. Life is about creating balance in all areas of your life. It isn't about letting your career dominate and push all other aspects into the background. Embrace your ability to multi-task and think big when it comes to love.

Here's how:

1) Call On Your Friends
If you needed help with a project, achieving a promotion or getting a business off the ground, you would send out a "hey, help a friend out" email to your contact list, Facebook friends and "circles." Why not when you are dating or even thinking about jumping into that pond? Your friends, if they know you are looking, will help you find the way to true love. The more the merrier.

2) Find Yourself While Dating
Dating is a chance for you to learn more about yourself. It's the Golden Ticket for you to try something new, such as a class or sport. It's the opportunity to date outside of your usual professions, age ranges or hair colour preference. This is a time to challenge yourself, your likes and who you are.

3) Check Your Expectations
Not every business meeting ends with a new client signing on the dotted line, but you will feel better about each meeting if you didn't walk in there with that expectation. Approach dating as not just looking for an important relationship, but as enjoying life. Date with the intention of making a new friend rather than expecting to meet your life partner.

It's Just Lunch Toronto has specialized in being the support team for thousands of single daters. There is no better place to find good advice about dating than from people who have gone through it before -- in our case, more than 50,000 times a month. If you want a bit more help, confidence and support in dating, try our matchmaking team. Visit www.itsjustlunchtoronto.com or call us at 1-416-703-3900.

Read More

The More Honest You Are, The Better Your Next Date

As a matchmaker, I have heard all kinds of crazy, off the wall, can't-believe-I-just-heard-that reasons as to why a man or woman doesn't want to see their date again.

In many cases, the client turns on the matchmaking  team and blames the lackluster first date on the matchmaker. Need an example? Here are just a few:

"You sent me out on a date with someone who is clearly emotionally unavailable."

"They're just looking to hook up and that is not why I am here."

"I asked for sensitive and you set me up with someone who only wanted to talk about themselves the whole night."

What people do in this situation is put the blame on the matchmaker.  "You did this" or "It's your fault" is a common way of deflecting from the truth -- you're not into them.

You're not interested in your date. That's fine. We all have dud evenings. The truth of it is, the more honest you are with yourself, your matchmaker -- the better your next match will be.

If you don't want to see someone again, say that. Know enough about yourself to be able to pinpoint what the turn off was or things you found a bit annoying. Tell your matchmaker. Don't blame them because the chemistry wasn't there. Give them the recipe to help find it for the next date.

That being said, if your dream guy fails to text you post-cocktail meet-up, accept that he isn't into you. End of that romance story. Don't blame him for shortcomings, nearsightedness. This is a defense mechanism that prevents you from growing from the personal experience.

The key here is that you don't have to be interested in a relationship with every person you encounter . . . and neither do they. Drop your defenses and be honest. It's really the only way to take a first date to the next step.

Read More

Throw Your Own Singles Super Bowl Bash - Tips and Ideas

The Super Bowl event is one of those occasions singles everywhere can enjoy regardless of how they feel about football or the teams they will be rooting for.  It offers a chance for strangers to come together in camaraderie, shared passions and on the field competition. It is a celebration of amazing feats and a sound board for the occasional disappointment.

Which leads us to ask, where will you be watching the Super Bowl this year? No plans yet? May we suggest that you host your own Super Bowl Bash?

Hosting your own party is a great way to show off your social charms and bring like-minded singles into your home. Cook up your favorite dish, invite everyone you know and ask them to bring their favorite dish or a single friend. Many singles prefer house parties anyway so this is an excellent opportunity to draw in singles who would otherwise be sitting at home alone or feeling out of place at a pub. If you bump into a cutie at the grocery store or coffee shop and discover they don’t have any plans for the big event, invite him or her too!

Playing host can definitely have its perks and work to your advantage, especially if you’re single. Here are a few ways to make it easy on you while scoring big points with your guests.

Potluck / BYOB 
Spread the work around so you don’t have to slave in the kitchen or at the grill while your guests are enjoying themselves. Have your guests help cater the event. It is best to keep track of who is bringing what so that you don't end up with eight veggie platters. Boom! Instant party!

Order Out! 
Nothing says easy like delivery! Just remember to order the pizzas or takeout early for restaurants get hit fast and hard on game day. Have guests bring drinks, snacks or desserts and settle in for the game!

Running Low? Do a Run!
Don't be afraid to pop out during halftime to restock chips, cheese or sweets. Take a collection if you need to? The idea is that this can be as easy, low key as you want it to be. Don't stress.

Stock Up Early
You know you will need ice, napkins, plates and cups. Stock up early and then you don't have to worry about it during last minute prep. Extra points for purchasing items in team colors!

Share your Super Bowl stories with us in the comments section below!

Read More

Dating Post Break-Up: Have Your Story & Make It Short

It's been a long road but you're finally ready to take on the singles' scene after a divorce and the termination of a long-term relationship.

When it comes to discussing your marriage and former spouse, less is more. No matter the circumstances surrounding your divorce, talking about it will only paint you in a bad light. If your ex left you, anything you share could be misconstrued as an unwillingness to let go of your marriage. Conversely, if you instigated the divorce, discussing your departure may make you appear callous. Either way, your date will likely see red flags waving.

The key here is to focus on connecting with your date and letting them get to know you rather than feeling you need to explain your status or setting the record straight on your first marriage.

However, if your date prods you with repeated questions about your marriage, respond vaguely and concisely à la, "We married too young and grew apart" or "Our lives just started moving in different directions." Then change the topic immediately. To divert additional questioning, politely add, "Thanks for your interest, but I'd much rather spend our time getting to know you."

If you continue to see each other, further discussion about past relationships will likely ensue but initially, daters should concentrate on their potential future together as opposed to excavating their pasts.

Place your past firmly behind you by stepping away from your old life and moving enthusiastically toward your new one!

Read More