Fear of Being Single and Dating for the Sake of Valentine's Day (or any Holiday)

With Valentine's Day and all the hub bub associated with the February holiday, it is easy to feel the twinges of discontent at one's single status.

But celebrating the 14th isn't all roses for some couples. In fact, recent research from the University of Toronto says it could be a symbol for those who settle for second best in a relationship only to avoid their greatest fear of being alone.

According to the research as reported in an article on CBC.ca, people were willing to settle for less than their ideals  in order to have someone there. Bluntly stated, they would rather be miserable than alone.

This fear is grounded in societal pressures and expectations that have been present since our ancestors started creating tribes. From parents looking for grandbabies to the images furnished by Hollywood flicks, we are inudated with pressures to pair off.

The irony comes from the fact that many of the people afraid to strike out on their own actually feel alone even in their relationship. You've heard the expression of  it's "like living with a stranger" or "we're just two ships passing in the night."

The key here is to realize that no relationship is better than the wrong one. If your partner isn't making you a better person or lifting you up, it is time to hit the bricks.

You can only change your romantic story if you start on the journey. If you find yourself in less than an ideal situation, don't let the fear of not having someone keep you tied down. Use this Valentine's Day to celebrate yourself and the new direction you are headed.

Resources:

• CBC.ca: Why Being Single Can Lead to Bad Choices

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Dating: Worth Taking the Risks

“I encourage you to live with a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.” -- from Dr. Wayne Dyer in his book, Pulling Your Own Strings.

We all have "the one who got away" in our dating histories. The gal or guy who was perfect for us but we were too scared, hesitant to tell them. Those moments where we wish we had been braver, spoke up and believed in ourselves more.

Oh, we resolve to confess our hearts to the next one only to blanket ourselves in caution once again. Our chance at love is lost due to our fears of rejection. 

According to Margie Warrell, author of Brave, "we are innately risk averse and afraid of putting our vulnerability on the line. The status quo, while not particularly fulfilling, can seem like an easier, softer, less scary, option."

Although we can't 100% control when or how we'll find love, one thing's for sure, we won't ever meet The One if we refuse to get out of our comfort zone and take a few risks. This means talking to the cute barista. This means saying "yes" to coffee with a friend of a friend's cousin who is in town. This means approaching "yet another" first date with excitement. 

Break free of the status quo. Do something different. Do something brave. Be vulnerable. Take a risk. 

"The One" will thank you for it.

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Why You're Not That Into Him (or Her)

There's a guy who is into you. SO into you. He's texting for a first date or possibly even contacting you for a second date. You think to yourself that it was a fun date or part of you thinks "what will it hurt?" to see him.

But you can't ignore the feeling that there is something missing. A feeling that there is something more out there. This little voice is saying that he or she isn't the person you have envisioned.

Does this sound familiar? You don't have to raise your hand. We know. You are not the first and it is a reoccurring theme among daters -- male and female.

What it comes down to is that dream girl or guy you have envisioned as being the perfect match for you (oh, and doesn't exist) is competing for your affection with the real life person standing before you. In order to see your match as being your potential dream partner, you have to let go of your dating expectations.

Letting Go of Dating Expectations
Your dream gal or guy was created without the usual difficulties that arise during real relationships such as prior dating baggage, work schedules, long distances, conflicting political views and financial woes.

The truth of it is, it is the bothersome elements and problematic issues of the mundane everyday that help a couple grow, bond and enhance their relationship. Loving someone even though they don't pick up their socks or have a habit of picking their teeth at the table is just one of the many hurdles to something deeper, richer and more fulfilling.

They key here is to know what your "deal breakers" are. What is important to you, such as having kids or being a hockey fan? What qualities are in your dream guy? If your top three or four top qualities are present, say yes to the date.

Give your date the benefit of the doubt and look beyond what they may lack or perhaps something you aren't a fan of to see the genuine person they are. Opening your mind will open your heart to possibilities.

Good luck!

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Make 2016 Your Best Dating Year -- Call Me!

My Facebook feed on New Year's Day was full of hope that 2016 would be an awesome year. They are going to shed those few pounds, stub out their smoking habit or make reading one book a month a literary habit.

What about your love life? Many people don't post their goals for finding the one, but it ranks up there as one of the most popular new year goals. If you're single and interested in making this year your best one yet, let personalized matchmaking help you reach that goal.

What is Personalized Matchmaking?
Matchmaking takes the personal legwork out of dating by outsourcing “the search” for interesting, like-minded individuals. As your professional matchmaker, it is my job to hand-select matches for you based upon the information given during your initial interview. I also take into consideration the on-going feedback received from you after every date, as dating is a fine tuning process! I'm interested in your desires, goals and what motivates you. Then, I utilize that data combined with my experience and instincts to keep improving your matches.

Who Uses Personalized Matchmakers?
Singles who are short on time, looking to extend their dating circle and looking for a more serious relationship.

SHORT ON TIME
Did you know it takes over TEN HOURS of online dating browsing, texting, chatting before you go on ONE DATE. Even then, there is no guarantee that will be with someone who is interesting and you connect with without Wi-Fi. As I stated before, let me do searching and hand-select a match that you find interesting without the hours of browsing.

FIND LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
I have a lot of clients who are very active in the community and in the business world who come to me specifically because they don't want to date within those circles. It's too uncomfortable or too many gray areas. I get that. Let me introduce you to people will similar goals, interests and likes who are outside your circle of friends but within my database.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
Singles who are ready to make a serious commitment reach out to matchmakers. They are looking to go beyond the "just looking for fun" relationships to someone looking to settle down. They are looking for the one. Just like you.

Sound amazing? Well, here's what you do next . . . CONTACT ME!
Contact me at itsjustlunchtoronto.com or 1-416-703-3900 to schedule a discreet, confidential interview. I want to learn about you and determine what you are looking for in a potential partner. I work directly with busy professionals that are looking for "The One." Our clients range from mid-20s to upper 60s. They are of various ethnic and religious backgrounds, education levels and professions.

Let's make 2016 your best year yet. Let's get started now! Contact me at itsjustlunchtoronto.com or 1-416-703-3900 .

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