Fear of Being Single and Dating for the Sake of Valentine's Day (or any Holiday)

With Valentine's Day and all the hub bub associated with the February holiday, it is easy to feel the twinges of discontent at one's single status.

But celebrating the 14th isn't all roses for some couples. In fact, recent research from the University of Toronto says it could be a symbol for those who settle for second best in a relationship only to avoid their greatest fear of being alone.

According to the research as reported in an article on CBC.ca, people were willing to settle for less than their ideals  in order to have someone there. Bluntly stated, they would rather be miserable than alone.

This fear is grounded in societal pressures and expectations that have been present since our ancestors started creating tribes. From parents looking for grandbabies to the images furnished by Hollywood flicks, we are inudated with pressures to pair off.

The irony comes from the fact that many of the people afraid to strike out on their own actually feel alone even in their relationship. You've heard the expression of  it's "like living with a stranger" or "we're just two ships passing in the night."

The key here is to realize that no relationship is better than the wrong one. If your partner isn't making you a better person or lifting you up, it is time to hit the bricks.

You can only change your romantic story if you start on the journey. If you find yourself in less than an ideal situation, don't let the fear of not having someone keep you tied down. Use this Valentine's Day to celebrate yourself and the new direction you are headed.

Resources:

• CBC.ca: Why Being Single Can Lead to Bad Choices

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Surviving the Holidating Season

It's the season of love, generosity, joy to the world, peace on earth . . . and, of courses, the added pressures of shopping for loved ones, holiday parties and Christmas plans with the family.  Not to mention, there's that special someone you have recently met and want to get to know a bit better.

The holiday season can easily push two people towards coupledom too soon or it can let a new spark fizzle out due to other commitments.

So, what is the right holiday protocol? After three months of dating, should you invite someone home to Alberta where your mother will inevitably express her desire for grandchildren while passing the cranberries?

Or will your date get the wrong idea and assume things are getting serious? On the other hand, if they are not invited, they might be offended and think you don't care. What do you do?

In our experience, the top three issues that cause issues during the holidays for couples -- no matter how long you have been dating -- is gift giving, family dinners and party etiquette.

Our advice for how you handle it comes down to two things: how long you have been dating and how you see the current situation.

FIRST THREE MONTHS
Spend Christmas with your family and call him or her from home. It's too early to expect that you will spend the family-oriented holiday together.

THREE TO SIX MONTHS
Bring them to a friend's house or holiday mixer, but it may be a bit early for meeting the parents if they live out of providence.  However, if you all live in the same region, it is probably okay to invite them over Christmas dinner. Feel it out.

SIX MONTHS PLUS
If your family hasn't met your new honey, now is the time. It can be a bit nerve wracking and you might not have much of an appetite -- so be prepared. If you are invited to a family event, be on your best behavior, dress appropriately and volunteer to do the dishes.

Will there be issues? Sure. The mark of a strong couple isn't in the number of problems they face but in how they face those issues. A strong couple can work through the stressful periods and emerge closer than ever. Think of this as just a couple test that you will pass with flying colors.

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Four Tips for Finding Love During the Holiday Season

I know the holiday season can be a bit humbug for singles. Family events highlight your solo status and it doesn't help that Aunt Myrtle always asks for an update of your love life when it is clear that it hasn't changed.

The good news is that there is an upside to being single during the holiday season. There are so many events and community activities to get you into the season and shaking off the single blues.

Here are just a few ideas to help you find love during the holiday season:

Give a Little, Get a Little (More)
No matter where you live, there are bound to be charitable organizations nearby who would welcome a new volunteer with open arms. In addition to daily, weekly or monthly events and activities where they need manpower, many charities also host networking and fundraising events that bring all of their volunteers together. Who knows? You may run into someone with a big heart looking to win yours.

Do What You Enjoy Doing, Love Will Follow
Winter time can open the door to new opportunity. Take a curling lesson. Go snowshoeing. Blow the dust off your camera and head for the waterfront. The key is to do what you enjoy doing and not get wrapped up in what you don't have. Believe it or not, when you aren't focused on your status, it has a way of changing on its own.

Give Your Smart Phone a Break
Can you guess how many eligible singles you pass every day in the grocery store, drugstore, or coffee shop who you don’t even notice because you’re checking your email? Be aware of your surroundings. Ask for help, ask for recommendations, chit chat in the checkout line. You never know who you might meet where you least expect it.Worse comes to worse, you walk away with a new friend.

Don't Shy Away From Holiday Events
While they can be daunting, holiday events are actually great ways to connect with friends and make new connections. I guarantee that you will not be the only single in the room and that alone may be worth getting into the spirit of things.

Let the matchmakers at It's Just Lunch Toronto help you find your match! Get started today by calling us at 1-416-703-3900 or visiting our website at www.itsjustlunchtoronto.com

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Single? 4 Ways to Approach the Holiday Season

I know someone who claims to hibernate during the winter because all of the couples she sees snuggling up and keeping each other warm make her want to burrow under her duvet and wait for spring.

Perhaps she, and those like her, should focus on the basics of the holiday: connecting with the people we care about. The spirit of the season is taking a moment out of our busy lives to appreciate those we hold dear. It's not a couples holiday season -- its about community, family and togetherness.

With that thought, here are four simple ways you can recapture the spirit of the holiday season . . . and enjoy it.

1) Reconnect with a good friend
With busy schedules, many of us have fallen out of touch with people we consider to be close friends. While catching up via Facebook or texts can be fun, it is a poor replacement for some one-on-one time.  This holiday season, carve out some time for friends you hold dear. Share a laugh, a moment instead of a picture or a link. Memories last a lifetime.

2) Bit Adieu to Former Loves
The holidays can tempt you into reminiscing about a former love or a recent relationship that just didn't work out. It is easy to reconsider your choice and even contemplate rekindling the romance. Know that this is mostly out of habit or the need to have someone there during the holidays. Before you hit send on the text to an ex, think about all the reasons why the romance fizzled. Sometimes we have to take the focus off finding Mr. or Ms. Right and concentrate, instead, on losing Mr. or Ms. Wrong.

3) Make Love a Priority
Many say they want a relationship but don't have time to date - which begs the question: How will they have time for a relationship if they don't even have time to date? If finding love is a priority to you, you have to be willing to say "yes" to events, parties and get togethers during the holiday season. Only by getting into the mix will you find your holiday honey.

4) Love YOUR life
The best thing you can do for your love life is to love your life! For one thing, you are more likely to attract people since there's nothing sexier than someone who is passionate and engaged in life.  More importantly, though, your life will be more fun and meaningful if you focus on outlets that bring you pleasure. Go sskiing Take a curling lesson. Wander through a craft fair. Indulge in activities that make you happy.

Don’t have time to spend strolling through the park or learning to do the cha-cha? Let the experts at It's Just Lunch Toronto do the work for you. A matchmaking service for busy professionals, our first date experts take the time to learn what you’re looking for and help you find it. You never know when that low pressure lunch date is going to turn into someone you’d love to take home for the holidays.

Let the matchmakers at It's Just Lunch help you find your match! Get started today by calling us at 1-604-633-9980 or click here to tell us a little about yourself.

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