Long Distance Detour: Why Love From Afar Could Bring You Closer

So you’ve just met your PERFECT Match (Thank you It’s Just Lunch®!). You two connected from day one, the dates are flowing like Champagne (the real good stuff from France), and you feel like the pace of your relationship is at the perfect speed for your life right now (no nauseating NASCAR thrill rides but definitely not stuck in the slow lane either).

In fact, it is going "pinch me great" until you turn the corner and find an unexpected detour sign that reads a lot like "Promotion: Prepare to Travel More & Longer." Drats.

More time on the road without you, ahead. 

Your wonderful (and successful) someone is going to be traveling a lot more. Cue the gritting of teeth and the Journey songs. But before you throw up your hands and start desperately looking for an off-ramp, here are some real Detour Details.

In the first 3 months of dating. 37% of couples can find themselves in some sort of long distance relationship (versus the disgustingly happy couples that live in the same town).

In the first 6 months, that number can reach 42%.

After 8 months, that number falls to 11%*.

The results of the complete study found that the staying power, of a compatible couple dealing with long distance, was just as strong as those couples who never were apart. So It’s Just Lunch® wants to let you know that long distance detours don’t mean the end of the dating road trip-just a change of scenery.

To keep the spark alive in your long distance relationship, here are a few tips:

Log Some Online Face Time
The benefits of video calling are well-known but setting aside time for a Cyber Date Night takes it above and beyond. Don't treat it like just a call. Take the time to interact with one another. Let there be pauses and the usual winding conversation that goes beyone what you did today and plans for tomorrow. It is the sharing, exploring that will help to cement the bond even from afar.

Emails, Texts
These are little things that can go the distance in telling your loved one that you miss them or are thinking about them.

Join Them For The Weekend
While you may not be able to travel for their entire trip, join them in the city for the weekend. Turn it into a couples retreat rather than just a business trip.

Make the Return Special
Plan something fantastic for the two of you to enjoy upon the other's return. This will give you both something to look forward to and plan. Anticipation ups the excitement ante.

Happy Dating!


*Study conducted by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships

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Finding a Mate tops this Years New Years resolution for Singles

The start of a New Year offers an ideal time for each of us to take a look at our lives, and make a few resolutions to enhance our existence! For many Canadians, losing weight, and cleaning up surroundings top the list. But for the millions of singles, finding their soul mate is usually Number 1.

So if this sounds like you, I would ask you to consider a new strategy to achieve your goal. As Einstein said, the definition of Insanity is Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome. And as a matchmaker, I think this definitely applies to dating.

An ever popular, and yet so unsuccessful strategy is to head out on New Years Eve with a few single friends, imbibe in the spirit of the night, and hope to ‘bump into that perfect mate’ who has eluded you all these years. If life were a fairy tale, then this would be a great strategy! If you are single, you may ever have tried this once or twice. But the probability in this complex world, that your future soul mate will just happen to be at the same bar at 11:59 pm New Years Eve is unfortunately highly unlikely.

So I would recommend a more structured approach to such an important quest.

One option would be to connect your goal of meeting someone, with another popular goal – getting in shape. There can be magic in this combination. So join a health club, or take up Yoga. You might just meet someone who at least shares your goal of a healthier lifestyle. And even if you don’t, you will be energized, feel better about yourself, and frankly, be a more attractive date.

Increasingly, busy singles are looking to dating services to help increase their probability of finding a good match. And this time of year, the numbers support the popularity of this choice. Many online dating sites report traffic increases of 15-20%.

Online dating sites typically provide an online profile of each member that can help you screen to what you perceive as a promising match. This can help you whittle the ‘thousands in your city’ down to ‘hundreds’. Just keep in mind that these profiles are self-authored, and may somewhat overstate the interests, attributes and activities. And with the large numbers now connecting through these sites, you may end up feeling like you have just signed up for a second job!

So for the truly busy, I would recommend they consider talking to a professional matchmaker. The advantage that this offers is that a real person, who is a specialist in matching couples, will get to know you, and work within their networks to find what they believe may be a great match. This can be a major advantage. Asking a dating expert to get to know you, and suggest matches that they believe could be a great fit for you, changes the game. Your personal ‘filters’ and ‘lists’, which may have led you to completely overlook potentially promising matches in your past, become less of a factor. And you may be surprised how much you enjoy being with a match selected just for you by a dating expert.

Another big plus is that most Professional Matchmakers will do all the logistic work for you, checking both your calendars, selecting a venue, and making the arrangements. So all you have to do is show up and have fun! And the better matchmakers will also follow up to get your thoughts on their latest match, to help guide their future selections.

And here is one interesting tidbit that I have observed over my years as a matchmaker. When I meet happily married couples who have been together at least 7 years, I often ask them if their spouse would have been on their initial ‘shopping list.’ And far more often than not, the answer is no. But when they met, they sensed chemistry and attraction.

So if finding a mate is on your 2013 To Do List, get on it today.  But take some advice from both me, and Einstein, and try a different approach.

Remember…Valentines Day is just 6 weeks away!

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The Three-Day Rule is Outdated

There’s an interesting process that many of us go through when meeting someone for the first time on a date—almost like an internal checklist. Are they physically my type? Do they communicate well? What are they doing with their lives, and if so, are they happy doing it? But then come a laundry list of other attributes we may notice in the course of getting to know someone. How do intangibles fit into the dating equation?
In our latest It’s Just Lunch dating survey, we covered a select number of intangibles out of countless traits that people may possess based on recent trends we’ve noticed. Let’s dive in:

The “Text-Back”
There is an outdated mode of thinking called the “three-day rule” that often prevents men (or women) from calling after the first date for fear of seeming desperate. Our thoughts? If you enjoyed your date and want to see this person again, why not just communicate those thoughts? So, is a text to your date that evening after your first meet up appropriate, or just too soon?

A majority of both men (57%) and women (64%) said a text setting up a second date would be cute and they would gladly text back. In fact, 24% of men would call back if they received a text from a date; 13% of women were also inclined to call. Only 18% of men and 22% of women suggested a same-evening text might be a little “too soon.”

It’s Just Lunch’s take: If you enjoyed your date, why wait? But don’t abuse communication; a slew of texts could be a signal you are desperate.

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Love at Third Sight?

Based on our last survey questions on sex, it’s interesting to ponder this question: what comes first, sex or love? There’s no doubt among your friends and family, two people met, fell right in love, and have lived happily ever after. It’s certainly a romantic ideal, but does it hold up in the 21st century?

Believe it or not, almost 75% of men say love at first sight still exists. Women are a little more skeptical, but a healthy 63% believe the same thing. Those romantic ideals don't translate when it comes to a question about marriage, with 56% of both men and women saying that tying the knot isn’t as important as it used to be.

Many men and women enter a first date looking to find that immediate connection. While it’s important to set expectations for yourself, it’s also nice to let loose and relax in the feeling that going out on a date is supposed to be fun. In order to do that, suspend your expectations and live in the moment on a date. You’ll find that by doing so, you’ll have more fun, exude confidence, and appear all the more attractive to that person sitting across from you.

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