Fear of Being Single and Dating for the Sake of Valentine's Day (or any Holiday)

With Valentine's Day and all the hub bub associated with the February holiday, it is easy to feel the twinges of discontent at one's single status.

But celebrating the 14th isn't all roses for some couples. In fact, recent research from the University of Toronto says it could be a symbol for those who settle for second best in a relationship only to avoid their greatest fear of being alone.

According to the research as reported in an article on CBC.ca, people were willing to settle for less than their ideals  in order to have someone there. Bluntly stated, they would rather be miserable than alone.

This fear is grounded in societal pressures and expectations that have been present since our ancestors started creating tribes. From parents looking for grandbabies to the images furnished by Hollywood flicks, we are inudated with pressures to pair off.

The irony comes from the fact that many of the people afraid to strike out on their own actually feel alone even in their relationship. You've heard the expression of  it's "like living with a stranger" or "we're just two ships passing in the night."

The key here is to realize that no relationship is better than the wrong one. If your partner isn't making you a better person or lifting you up, it is time to hit the bricks.

You can only change your romantic story if you start on the journey. If you find yourself in less than an ideal situation, don't let the fear of not having someone keep you tied down. Use this Valentine's Day to celebrate yourself and the new direction you are headed.

Resources:

• CBC.ca: Why Being Single Can Lead to Bad Choices

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How do I get a date?

We can get a fabulous dinner easily enough...thank you Open Table!!! We can pick out the perfect car and get a great deal...thank you promotion at work. We even can get new living room furniture WITHOUT leaving the living room.

So, in this day and age of convenience and in a time in our lives when things are running just fine, why is it so hard to get a date?

The problem certainly isn’t that there AREN’T any potentials out there. We see plenty of attractive, well-dressed, successful looking individuals out there. So why don’t we get to meet them? The folks that we really want to meet that is, not the guy who still lives at home with his mom, or your friend’s trainer from the gym who is “really hot”. 

Now, more than ever it can be more difficult for successful people, particularly successful women, to find dates who measure up to their expectations. 

So how do we solve this dilemma? Well, at It’s Just Lunch Toronto, we’ve known how important it is to match our successful clients with quality individuals for more than 20 years. The secret of our success lies in knowing that creating lasting relationships is based on a date with someone who you really want to date again. So, let us set you up on a great date. All you have to do is just show up and enjoy. Mission accomplished. 

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Stopping to Smell the Roses

There sure is a lot of buzzing about online dating these days. The water-cooler which was once a glorious place to waste a few minutes of a very long day is now ruined with profile speak. Heck, you can’t even peacefully grind your teeth in the 10 items or less line without being subjected to a fascinating conversation about choosing the right “user name”. 

According to the commercials, featuring the most attractive people (models), with the whitest teeth you’ve ever seen (caps), there’s a hot model with perfect gums that practices your exact religion, subscribes to your favorite reading materials (Wow! They read too!), and is just waiting for you to jump online and find them. And if for some reason, you two don’t hit it off, there are 100 more just like them.

So does all this dental work live up to its promise? Are people really falling in love left and right like an episode of the Love Boat on ecstasy? 

According to a recent study*, what online dating has accomplished is a platform where  “romantic browsing triggers” happen. Instead of considering a potential partner on specific characteristics that would align with your true ideals, speedy decisions are made, based upon finding, “the best” profile, which of course includes a picture. This study found that when folks were faced with many profiles (up to 90), they made faster decisions, and wrote potentials off quicker, instead of weighing important information. These hasty decisions demonstrated that people forgot what they were really looking for in a mate. In contrast, those who had to select from say four people, considered real options, and complex information for a potential partner. This same study also found that going on a REAL date was more productive in truly getting to know someone, than just online chatting. 

The morale of the study? Take time to smell the roses! Focusing on what you want, going out on a date, and then deciding what comes next. We at It’s Just Lunch® are proud of our 20 years of dating success stories. No user names, no photos, ...ever. Just lunch with someone specifically matched to your interests and values.

*Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3–66.

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Is it just lunch or is it more?

As matchmaker, I often come across interesting studies that relate to the intricacies of dating and courtship. A recent study released by researchers at Cornell University really caught my attention…

The Researchers, Kevin Kniffen and Brian Wansink, were interested in the importance of what they refer to as ‘commensality’. Yes, I had to Google that, and it means ‘the practice of eating meals at the same table.’ They asked the question, “Does sharing food involve sharing more than just food?” And there answer was a resounding YES.

To investigate this, participants in their research study were asked to rate how jealous they (Study 1) – or their best friend (Study 2) – would be if their current romantic partner were contacted by an ex-romantic partner and subsequently engaged in an array of food- and drink-based activities. They consistently found – across both men and women – that meals elicit more jealousy than face-to-face interactions that do not involve eating, such as having coffee. These findings suggest that people generally presume that sharing a meal enhances cooperation. In the context of romantic pairs, they found that participants are attuned to relationship risks that extra-pair commensality can present. For romantic partners left out of a meal, they found a common view that lunch, for example, is not“just lunch.” In fact, knowing your partner is having lunch with an ex can trigger sexual tension!

Their tests found the lowest rated activity in terms of eliciting jealousy was email correspondence. A live phone chat was somewhat higher. The next step up was face-to-face interaction, over a coffee. But what was particularly interesting was the elevated jealousy recorded when the face-to-face meeting occurred over lunch, and involved eating a meal together, versus just consuming a beverage.

Now here is a fun part of their research report. They found it interesting that the world’s most successful non-internet dating service was called‘It’s Just Lunch’, and postulated that the implicit behavioural associations that relate to ‘communal preparation and consumption of food may impart an advantage to It’s Just Lunch’…as people intuitively know that there is more to this whole thing than just lunch!

Who knows if it does? But my two cents worth is that that Lunch is a great way to approach a first date. Because it is mid-day, it reduces the stress of ‘what to wear, and what to do after’. Because it typically has a time line of about an hour, it is a comfortable amount of time to get a solid first impression of someone you are meeting for the first time. And because you are in a public place, it gives you the opportunity see how a potential date interacts with others such as waiters, and so on and this always helps you gauge chemistry.

So my advice is to get out from behind your computer, put down your smart phones, and Do Lunch this summer with someone you find interesting. Maybe it will turn out to be more than just lunch!

But if you really like being behind your computer, you can read the full report at:http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0040445

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Geekology and Dating

Our gadget-obsessed, high-tech world has embraced the idea of “geek” as chic, whether it’s in television with hit shows like The Big Bang Theory or adding a pair of smart specs to your accessory bin.  But how does this trend translate into the dating world?
We discovered that the majority of people, 73% of men and 64% of women say nerdy qualities in a partner are cool, even normal for this day and age. But still, almost one out of four men and almost one out of three women think they would be turned off by someone who is a hard core geek.
It’s Just Lunch’s take: Intelligence is definitely sexy. Show your geeky side, but don’t let it dominate—unless perhaps you’re with a fellow geek. It’s one thing to flex your brain, but if it leads to awkward behavior then you’re doing it wrong.

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Ever thought of being a Matchmaker?

INSIDE SALES DIRECTOR

It’s Just Lunch Toronto, Canada’s Premier Matchmaking firm, is seeking focused candidates with a proven track record of success to grow with us in one of the most dynamic and fastest growing industries in the country. We are a dynamic and entrepreneurial organization with a nationally recognized brand featured in The Globe, Cosmopolitan Magazine, NPR and on the Canada AM as well as many others Our clients expect an energetic and “recruiter-minded” individual to offer expertise and guidance during the interview process, as well as provide a realistic picture of potential matches for them within our service. Our fast-paced environment requires multi-tasking skills and the ability to communicate effectively.

• Top candidates will be confident, organized, and enthusiastic about our concept.
• Demonstrated experience in professional sales with proven closing success in prospecting, relationship building and cold-calling.
• Able to target and develop clients through existing database and new lead contacts.
• Provide a consultative approach to meet with clients to evaluate their needs and recommend solutions to ensure expectations are being met
• Ability to flexibly manage time to maximize sales and accommodate clients needs which includes willingness to work extended hours
• Must have the ability to establish rapport with a wide variety of people.
• Exceptional verbal and written communication skills

If you are interested in applying for the Inside Sales Director position, send your cover letter and resume to date@ijlelite.ca with Ref: 2012SalesDirector in the subject headline

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IT'S RAINING MEN IN TORONTO!

Pay attention ladies!

Our Bachelor-47
Our client is a very focused, intelligent, successful gentleman with a great sense of style looking for an attractive and vibrant woman to share his exciting lifestyle. He loves to travel to Europe, the Caribbean or to escape for a weekend to an exciting city. He truly is a carpe diem type! He pursues many interests including golf, cycling, fitness, live theatre, and even shopping! He has seasons ticket to attend sports events. He does some wine collecting and has enjoyed wine tours in France and Napa. He loves entertaining and overseeing the decorating of his homes.
We are looking for an attractive, intelligent woman with a very positive disposition who values honesty and enjoys being spontaneous and trying new things. Age:33-45

Our Bachelor-44
This elite client is an exciting, dynamic and very successful owner of several companies looking for an attractive woman who is ready to enjoy the world and life at its best. He lives between Canada, Europe and the South and enjoys boating and flying, music from popular to opera, golf, tennis and skiing. This is a very exciting and well balanced man. He has high standards and respects those close to him. The person who can always be depended upon by friends. He has traveled to over 150 cities, collects wine and fine art, and is a huge basketball fan.
We are looking for a self-confident, sincere and attractive woman who is self-confident but grounded. Age-29-40, 5'-5'8"

Our Bachelor-40
Our exciting bachelor is a very successful entrepreneur with exotic look, artistic finesse and a full sense of European style. He has traveled all of Europe, the Middle East and Asia and lived in three countries. Enjoying the best in life, wine, theatre, skiing around the world, and boating he is an avid tennis player and accomplished pianist, this gentleman is definitely one of a kind!
We are searching for that model-attractive, fresh, vibrant, fit, positive-minded, who can picture herself living traveling and living this exciting lifestyle- age 24-32, 5'6" and taller

Our Bachelor- 39

Our bachelor is a very sophisticated and successful owner of global tech companies. He has lived in and traveled to several countries and holds property here and in the South. His interests are broad and cover music from popular to classical, dance, theatre, museums, and films. He loves golf and has golfed around the world. He has a very romantic side and a spontaneous boyish side. Very fit and health conscious he enjoys basketball, the gym, boating, race cars and motorbikes, but balances this with reading, fine dining, chess and keeping up with world events.
We are looking for a very attractive, slim, classic European style woman who has a natural wisdom, finesse and a good family background. She must be interested in creating an oasis and making a relationship the priority. Age- 29-36, 5'6"-6', brunette.

Our bachelor- 39
A successful entrepreneur and very fit our client has exceptional good looks, loves the outdoors and sport. He enjoys cooking and entertaining friends and family, has respect for family and friends. Balancing life between the city and a lake house, he loves tennis, sailing, skating, and golf. He loves to take off for weekends and vacations on short notice.
Our client is serious about meeting a very naturally attractive, fit, active young woman with marriage and family as a future priority. Someone with strength of character and integrity but still spontaneous, positive and open to adventure! Age 28-33, 5'9" -6" 

Want to date the ELITE? Send us a photo and a short bio to DATE@IJLELITE.CA

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Sex on the Brain

But what if you do click with your date? And by click, we mean chemistry, attraction, and connectedness seem to be firing on all cylinders between you and your date. Okay, so you certainly don’t have to worry about rejection; because what may be on your mind is sex.

Of course, sex is a tricky thing. Everyone wants it, but many people are hesitant to go for it on a first date even if all signs point to yes. Do women put off sex because they’re worried about being judged? Will a man judge a woman if they sleep together on the first date? According to our results, almost 60% of women avoid sex on the first date because they are worried about what a guy will think, and almost 80% of women think a guy will, in fact, draw conclusions about a woman if they end up sleeping together on a first date. A little more than half of men surveyed believe women put off sex because of judgments, but a little less than half of men would judge a woman if they slept together on the first date.

Clearly, there’s some miscommunication going on between both sexes when it comes to sex. What is clear is that you should be comfortable with who you are. Sure it sounds clichéd, but if you happen to be more sexual than your date and you are getting judged for that, then it probably isn’t meant to be. Also, if you are the type of person who holds off until you get to know someone better, then that is equally powerful in itself. Ultimately, dating is about being confident and finding chemistry with a partner. If any egregious judgments are passed throughout the course of a night that’s supposed to be fun, then you might be better off with someone else.

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Times Colonist: Single Best Reason For Valentine's Day

Are modern lovers overlooking the single best reason for Valentine's Day? An article by Times Colonist reporter Richard Watts says "It's one thing to say "I love you" with a valentine. But it can be powerfully romantic to use Valentine's Day to say "I am interested in you" or "I am still interested in you.""

In this day and age when online courtship has become a popular way to find one's match, technology has removed a lot of the person-to-person connection.

However, Watts' article states that "introductions through friends still remains the largest way couples meet. Fully 28% of couples, the biggest single category, report being introduced through friends."  Watts also stated that "meetings in bars and restaurants are a start for more couples than the Internet, with about 23 per cent."

This reinforces the It's Just Lunch belief that real chemistry happens face-to-face. 
"You can chat back and forth online," said Jacquie Brownridge, managing director of Just Lunch, a 20- introductory service operating in Victoria, Vancouver and Toronto, in the article.

"But when you actually sit down across from somebody at a table, look them in the eye and you have a conversation, see their body language, you either connect or you don't," said Brownridge in the article.

Looking to connect with your partner this Valentine's Day?  Make an investment in your significant other and your relationship by selecting a gift or activity you both can enjoy.  


"It would be nice if we did this all day and every day, but at least there is Valentine's Day that tells you to stop, smell the roses and let the other person know you appreciate them," Brownridge said in the article.

Read the entire article. 

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