Bring on the Heat for the Second Date

Ok. We’ve all been there. Fighting off the first date jitters can be quite a job.

A call to the best friend for support, a bottle opener and designated driver, or even a quick chat with your therapist (the first available neighbor at the mailbox).

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SECOND DATE?

Those first date jitters grew into real anticipation in the past few days and now, expectations of another great time are running high. This could be the "make or break" date for you, depending on how smoothly the evening goes.

And here comes the mental hamster wheel...
“What if tonight isn’t as good as last time!!???”
“Were they really that attractive or was it just really excellent lighting??!!”
“What if I LOVE tonight and they decide they don’t want to date anymore??!”

Ok. First off. Breathe. Second. You have a date to get ready for, so here’s a little insight. The first date ice is broken, and to keep things going,well you need to warm things up...literally!

At this stage, you want to spend time with the person of interest to see how you relate to one another and notice if there is any chemistry. Choose a place that is comfortable and suits both of your tastes.

Research has been done that proves that physical warmth impacts perception of a person’s physiological warmth. What? No really. Dr. Amy Muise*, a social psychologist, revealed a study that showed offering a hot cup of coffee as opposed to an iced-coffee to someone, positively influenced the opinion of the receiver of the beverage...the person who was offered something warm (soup, a beverage, whatever) rated the person who offered the warmth as more "friendly" and "trustworthy" as opposed to the participants who were offered something cold. All good opinions, especially for a second date.

So, the lesson? When it’s time to order...BRING ON THE HEAT! Maybe opt for teriyaki instead of sushi, coffee instead of iced tea, and you’ll have a better chance of securing that third date!

*http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/8/9/how-to-warm-things-up-on-your-next-date.html

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Laws of Attraction: Learn to Tell Stories

Have you ever watched the guests on late night talk shows? Whether it is a political figure, a silver screen sweetheart pushing her latest movie or one of your favorite singers, each guest has a story to tell their audience and host.

 The stories are usually some odd event that happened on the way to the studio, their most recent shopping adventure or the awkward airplane moment. In their brief few minutes on the stage, the guest pulls in the studio audience and those watching from the comforts of their recliners by giving them a glimpse of their day and of their humour.

Short stories are the key to engaging your audience . . . and your first date.

Human beings have been bonding over stories since developing the means to communicate. It's how you present your world, what is going on and shows your vulnerable side.

 The key is to have a few good stories waiting or at least prepared for your first date. The ones that are positive, emotional or informative are the best ones. How did you get your job? Why did you move to this town after college? How did you get involved in your favorite hobby? What exciting thing happened today?

The organization and layering of the story is what helps to establish the bond between you and your date (audience). It's sharing a bit of you or your day that creates intimacy. Think about it. When you barely know someone and they ask about your day, you might say "fine" or "busy." But when it is a close friend who inquires about the status of your day, you reveal a bit more. You may be willing to go in-depth about the current project or latest interaction with your boss.

 Think of at least one good story about you that shows a bit of who you are before your next first date. It may be the most attractive thing you do.

Resources: 

• Four Ways to Use Words to Build Relationships (PsychologyToday.com)

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Kindness is Key on First Dates

Ideally, it would be fantastic if every relationship, partnership or office interaction left people better off in life. It would be great if every encounter boosted our spirits, increased our confidence and put a smile on our face.

The truth of it is, life rarely works the way we want it to and not all encounters serve to bring out the best in us. Dating can leave you feeling vulnerable and fragile. Our self esteem may take a hit or a personality clash leaves us wondering if we are in fact unlovable.

In a recent It's Just Lunch survey, the majority of respondents said kindness is the most important character trait in a partner. So, how do you inject a tidbit of kindness into your next date? Here are a few ideas:

Be on Time
Nobody wants to be left wondering if their date is going to show at a coffee shop or restaurant. One minute feels like an hour when your nerves are tight and your stomach in knots. If you are going to be even five minutes late, let them know as soon as possible.

Be a Great Listener
Not listening and talking too much often go hand in hand. Tit's really important to listen to the other person, and that doesn't mean just letting them get a word in edgewise. Your aim is to learn about your date. Ask questions and listen to their answers. Ask follow up questions to what they just said. By listening to your date, you are being attentive and that is hands down sexy.

Be Generous With Compliments
Like you, your date is a bundle of nerves. They prepared for this date from picking out the outfit, mentally going over conversation topics and even reading blogs regarding first date tips. A simple compliment can brighten their day and eliminate some of the nerves. Make it a habit to give a genuine compliment to your date.

Say Goodnight -- Gracefully
Don't tell the other person you are going to call or that you are looking forward to a second date if that is not your intention.  There is nothing worse than waiting around for someone to call. It's better to say nothing than to lead someone on. Be honest, but not brutally so.

In the end, it comes down to the Golden Rule. Treat others as you want to be treated. Remember that, and you are well on your way to a great date.

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Show It's Just Lunch Your Movember 'Stache for a Discount
In honour of Movember, we would love to see your 'stache! Any man with a moustache who joins It's Just Lunch Toronto during the month of November gets $200 off a one-year membership. PLUS, IJL will match $200 with a donation to the Movember Foundation.
For more details, contact us at 1-800-941-1088.

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