How Dating is Like Hiring an Employee

I recently read an article on Forbes.com, entitled "Four Ways to Improve Your Hiring Process," and couldn't help thinking how it related to dating.

In a company, the hiring process is the most important strategic element of a company because "every new employee will either improve the organization or lower it -- and managers should be seeking and hiring employees who will enable the company to grow and become more profitable."

In dating, the first few dates is the most important part of the process. This is where you determine if you want to see the person again, if the chemistry is there. This is also where you look to see if the other person is someone who will help you grow, develop and push you to be the best you can be.

The four tips included in the article are:

• Skip the "magic bullet" questions
• Clearly define the position and what it takes to be successful
• Test candidates
• Include others in the hiring (dating) process

SKIP THE MAGIC BULLET QUESTIONS (or Focus On The Person)
 While outlandish questions (what if . . .) have their place and can be playful, focus on getting to know the person and what they value. Listen to what is important to them, even if you have no interest in gardening. It will save you time in the long run.

CLEARLY DEFINE THE POSITION (or Know What You Want)
What are you looking for? Are you looking for a long-term commitment? Tennis game companion? Knowing what you want and your dealbreakers (religion? smoking? children?) will give you a roadmap for evaluating the current "candidate" and comparing him with future ones.

TEST CANDIDATES (or Call Them On Their BS)
Anyone who has created an online profile knows that certain things like age, weight, height, likes, dislikes and even location can be fudged a bit. I'm not encouraging you to be completely skeptic but don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. Its by peeling away the layers that we are able to find those partners that stand out.

INCLUDE OTHERS
Emotions, beers and circumstances have a way of clouding our judgment on a potential partner. Before getting exclusive, bring your buddies in on the decision. Get their perspective. The best candidates are those that get a thumbs up from your support network.  Those additional perspectives greatly increase the odds of finding the best candidates.
This may sound like it takes the romance out of the process, but a bit of preplanning can save you a lot of heartache in the end.

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The Unexpected Twists of Being an Older Single

Often times, midlife singles jumping into (or back into) the dating scene can feel a bit panicky. It's like the hourglass has shifted and time is running out to find the one. They, at first, feel like they are too old to be dating and yet to young to be alone for the rest of their lives.

These contradictory feelings of being out of step arise after the breakup of a long relationship or perhaps the grieving process after the death of a loved one. But there are a couple of unexpected twists to being an older single.

Increase in Connections
People often are able to make newer connections or further the ones they have during this time. Other friends are going through divorce, widowed or past the child-bearing years and experience a bit more freedom in their schedules. Coffee dates are squeezed in between yoga and soccer practice schedules. It's a bit more open-ended, easier way of life.

Increase Range of Prospects
According to an article on Psychology Today.com, "in her book Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted, Judith Sills argues that older singles should consider a wider range of prospects, since they're not looking to create a family."

A person doesn't have to share your religion for you aren't raising children together. You shouldn't evaluate a mate based upon whether they are marriage material. Evaluate them on whether you enjoy spending time with them. Are they fun? Do they make you laugh?

Increase in Confidence
You have a few more years of social interactions and connections than you did in your 20s. There's a confidence that comes from interpersonal skills gained from work and in making friends. You know who you are and what it is you want.

Resources:

• Singles: Patterns of Pursuit (How to Shake Up Your Dating Patterns)

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It Really Does Take Two to Tango!

Some singles have a hard time deciphering whether or not their date is genuinely interested in them. People express themselves differently depending on their personality temperament or even past experiences. In fact, it's not at all uncommon for some singles to mistake attention for affection.

The key to finding out if someone is interested in you as a friend, or possibly more, is through the act of reciprocity. Think about this way. Most people are afraid of rejection, regardless if you're a man or a woman. It really doesn't matter who makes the first move, just as someone as long as someone is making a move to begin with. This gives the other person a chance to respond to the move with further encouragements or a move of his or her own.

For example, simply making eye contact with someone may not be enough to indicate interest, but if you start a conversation with someone, you can gauge their level of interest based on the response. If the person continues to engage with, that person is interested in continuing the conversations until that interest escalates or wanes. However, if the person isn't really engaging with you and is responding with simple, one-word answers, then that person just isn't interested enough to reciprocate.

The common expression "it takes two to tango" has never been more true than in dating and relationships. It's a wonderful dance of give and take to a song that never stops. The next time you meet someone with romantic potential, put out a few feelers in the form of playful comments or potential opportunities to hang out in the future and see if the response you get is favorable or revealing in other ways. 

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