20 Years of First Dates – Part 3: First Date Tips for Women. Kindness is Key

Magazines and advice columns often say being standoffish or playing “hard-to-get” is an attractive quality in women that men notice. We’re going to debunk that theory. If you’re on a first date, don’t play coy, ladies. This is a chance to get to know someone. You’ve agreed to go on a date with a guy; be kind and approachable and you’ll radiate attractiveness.

1. Dress for Success: Give a guy an opportunity to use those compliments he has saved up for you and dress like you’re interested, whether it’s an intimate dinner date or a casual walk in the park. Style points count toward chemistry.   It's Just Lunch Toronto's matchmaker Laila shares tips on  what to wear on the first date that will maximize your wardrobe and flatter your figure. Click here.   
2. Be On Time: While you really shouldn’t be late for anything, being late for a first date can be a mood-killer for men. Trust us.
3. Kindness is Key: Whether it’s directed toward your date or toward the wait staff, 34% of singles mentioned kindness as the most important character trait in a partner.
4. Avoid Negativity: Leave unflattering remarks about your ex-boyfriend, your boss, your family at the door. And avoid self-deprecation too.  Men appreciate a positive attitude. 
5. Be Light and Playful: While going on a first date might often feel like a job interview, there isn’t any reason to make it stay that way. Create banter and levity and your date will appreciate it and respond. You’re meeting someone new—enjoy yourself!
6. Make Eye Contact: See #9 in the men’s first date tips section below; replace “her” with “him” and “she’ll” with “he’ll.”
7. Smile: It’s not surprising that in our It’s Just Lunch survey, well over half of singles polled said a simple smile is the most attractive physical feature a date can flash. Use it.
8. Pay Him a Compliment: While he’s trying to make you feel comfortable and at ease, try and return the favor too. It’s all part of chemistry-creation.
9. Avoid Political Posturing: Intellectual conversation is stimulating as well as sexy, but leave strong opinions at the door. You’re on a date; not at a debate.
10. Show a Different Side: If you show a softer side, it makes it easier for your date to find common ground with you. Relax and be open toward him. You’ll develop a better connectionr that way.

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20 Years of First Dates – Part 3: First Date Tips for Men

From first impressions, to chemistry and wordplay, there are a lot of little things a person can do to attract the opposite sex on a first date; and most of these can be applied to both sexes. But are there some that may only apply to men or women exclusively? Of course, and that’s why in our It’s Just Lunch Dating Survey, we took a look at the top behaviors that both men and women expect on a first date.  For the men…

 Men: Chivalry Isn’t Dead
 Trends and attitudes toward the sexes may come and go, but one thing is for certain, gentlemen: chivalry never goes out of style. Treat your date well, and you’re well on your way to landing a second date. Treat her more like your college bud and, well, don’t expect her to sit by the phone waiting for your call.

1. Smile:  When your date arrives and you make eye contact with her, smile! It’s such a simple tip, but it’s an immediate way to create chemistry, (which we’ll talk about in part 4.)
2. Say Something: Great conversation and wordplay leads to attraction. Be ready with things to talk about, even do your homework and find out what she’s interested in, but most importantly listen to what she has to say too.
3. Straighten Up: Your body language tells a lot about whether or not you’re interested in someone. Standoffish, slouchy behavior isn’t attractive. Leaning toward your partner and using eye contact, however, is attractive.
4. Get There 5 Minutes Before She Does: Unless it’s Carmageddon on the 405, there isn’t much of an excuse to be late these days. Use Google Maps and don’t be late. She’ll appreciate the fact that you arrived early.
5. Treat Her Well: Remember we were talking about the little things? This means holding doors, allowing her to sit first, etc. In fact, make it an everyday habit and you’ll see it pay dividends.
6. Treat Others With Respect: In our It’s Just Lunch survey, the biggest thing women mentioned they noticed about their date is how he treats others. Treat others with respect, and your date will notice… and approve.
7. Compliment Her: No need to quote Shakespeare; but a few positive comments will make her feel comfortable
8. Confidence is King: You might normally think, “Will she like me?” on a first date. Turn it around and ask yourself: “Will I like her?”
9. Make Eye Contact: If you’re truly paying attention to her, she’ll notice if you make eye contact. If you don’t, she’ll think you’re bored or disinterested.
10. Make Her Laugh: You don’t need to act like a stand-up comedian, but open up the creative side of your brain and make her laugh. She’ll feel more comfortable with you after that.

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20 Years of First Dates – Part 2: Wordplay and Flirting

In honor of 20 years of setting up first dates between singles around the country, It’s Just Lunch recently produced a survey based on our experiences—trust us, we’ve had a lot. We’ll share our findings with you and give you the inside scoop on tips that are timeless, tips that are played-out, and modern tips that may add a fresh edge to your love life. Enjoy!
Now that you’ve made a good first impression as we discussed in Part 1 of our series, it’s time to keep that momentum going. Whether you’re just engaging in a simple dinner, heading to an art gallery, going to a concert, or simply taking a stroll on a beautiful day, the point of a first date is to get to know someone and you can’t do that without conversation. With conversation, comes the opportunity for a bit of flirtation too, so we’ll be covering tips on do’s and don’ts. While you might think some these are straightforward, you’d be surprised how many stumble when it comes to chatting with a partner. Don’t worry; we’re here to help.

 Good Conversation: Worth 1000 Words
There’s an old Buddhist saying about conversations called “Right Speech” that basically means the following: speak warmly, friendly, and gently and you can make friends and avoid war. For our purposes, we’ll extend it into use on first dates in order to impress a partner. According to an It’s Just Lunch survey, over a third of singles mentioned easy conversation as an important component of compatibility. So what does this mean? You can dress to the nines, exude physical attractiveness, and even share a similar outlook on life; but if you can’t express yourself beyond that, then you’ll run into problems.
If you struggle with conversation on the first date or simply aren’t sure what to say, there are several tips we can help you with in order to get you going. First: know your current events. You don’t need to dive into the details of politics or the intricacies of a celebrity’s private life, but having a cursory knowledge of what’s going on will help drive conversation. Remember, ignorance isn’t necessarily bliss. Second: ask open-ended questions. Avoid asking questions that may just have a yes or no answer. That said, third: remember something your date said and come back to it later on in the conversation if possible. Everyone loves a good listener; it means you’re interested in what they have to say. Fourth: throw a few jokes into the conversation if appropriate. But please, make sure they are clean and inoffensive. Finally, five: be positive. This is probably the most important element to a first date conversation. While self-deprecation can be cute, it’s rarely a turn-on or a chemistry builder. The majority of people react well to positive thinking, so roll with it.

Trending Topics and Turn-Offs to Avoid
So, how about that...(insert topic of discussion here)? So, you know how to go about talking on a first date. The next question is, what to say? There are lots of options, but generally speaking the vast majority of singles polled in our survey said “hobbies and interests” are among the easiest conversation topics to tackle. After that came travel, followed by family, movies, and food.
It’s easy to come up with ideas of what to talk about; however, what people often have problems doing is avoiding topics that shouldn’t be brought up in the first place. You’re best served by not bringing up any past conquests. In fact, the majority of respondents cited conversation along those lines as a major turn-off. You may also want to avoid talking about money, health problems, politics, and the future.
Now, some may say it’s disingenuous not to bring up discussion topics like those on the first date. What if politics, religion, money, physical ailments, or even an ex plays a large role in your life? The different between good conversation topics and bad conversation topics is simply, common ground. First dates are opportunities to meet people halfway and see what they are all about. Often times, the topics under the “avoid” column are there because they might alienate a date or are deeply personal. Since the goal of a first date is to get to know someone and make them feel comfortable, it’s best to avoid topics that will lead toward the opposite.

Get Your Flirt On
Now that you’re engaged in a brilliant conversation with your date, it’s time to inject a little flirtation into the mix. Why? Because while good conversation will help strength a bond between two people, flirtation can help enhance chemistry; besides, you don’t want to get stuck into the “friend zone”, especially on a first date.
So what signals can you give off that mean you’re interested? Simple. Pay undivided attention to your date. Almost 50% of It’s Just Lunch survey respondents mentioned this as being a surefire sign the date went well. This means big things like actively listening and engaging in the conversation and little things such as turning the cell phone off, or not being distracted by what’s going on around you. Remember, a little attention can go a long way. So ride that wave it and make your partner feel special. If the date is going well, they’ll return the favor.

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