Dating Mistake: Judging Your Date

Which dating mistake is the most common?
1) Talking too much
2) Too high expectations
3) Judging your date
4) Spilling your history (too open)

According to a survey of singles, the majority said judging ones date was the most common error they made (35%).

In the TV show Love Story, the couple is introduced while giving viewers a VIP seat to their thoughts. Peter (Jake McDorman) judges women walking down the street by his desire to sleep with them while Dana (Analeigh Tipton) judges their purses.

We've all done it, especially while in the midst of dating. Shallow, stereotypical and incredibly insensitive as it may be, we often make the mistake of judging the person on the other side of the table negatively without giving them a chance.

Passing judgment on someone is really about finding the areas in which they are lacking or qualities that you don't approve of. It is like putting up a hurdles in front of love matches, and expecting them to fail to reach the finish line.

Pre-judging your date or looking for the negative is a way of finding the area to reject someone before they have a chance to do it to you. It's like laying the foundation for why it wouldn't work out before you even order an appetizer.

If you find yourself prejudging your date, there are a few things you can do to break the negative cycle:

1) Focus on the Positive
You mind has quickly tallied a list of what your date doesn't have or you find less than stellar. Force it to look for something positive. Strong handshake? Saying "bless you" when you sneeze (even if it was because you are allergic to the stem he brought you)? Learn to zero in on the positives.

2) Practice Mindful Dating
Don't fast forward to the end of the date where you must decide whether or not to see this person again. Mindful dating means you are in the present and focused on what is being discussed right now. You are actively listening to the other person and in the moment with them. Don't worry about the possibility of rejection or what you are going to do post-date. Live now. In the moment.

3) Flexibility is Key
Okay, so not every first date blossoms into the relationship of the century. Truth of it is, many of them will end in a fizzle of communication where texting, emails and calls just decline to nothing. Instead of looking at it in all or nothing terms, dating or not, think of it as making a new friend. So you two don't mix in the love department -- doesn't mean you can't be movie buds or attend art galleries together. You never know where the current situation will take you. Stay flexible and open. Skip the rejection scenario.