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Wednesday 27 November 2013

Three Tips on How to Talk Money


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There’s no denying it: when it comes to dating, money matters, whether it’s small date expenditures or longer term investments. It’s a fact that many a dispute and divorce stem from the almighty dollar. But how soon is too soon to discuss dollars and cents with your partner, particularly when your relationship is just in its beginning stages?  Well, you may feel as if other people’s money is a touchy issue or plain none of your beeswax. But you won’t want to wait until you’re walking down the aisle to tackle the subject head on. Dating a financial deadbeat? Better to know sooner rather than later. If you're at a loss for words or unsure on how to go about it, here are three things to keep in mind.

Test the Waters. 
Start off by discussing general attitudes toward personal finances rather than specific situations. You can get an idea of your partner’s lifestyle, spending habits, and relationship towards money when talking about big-picture ideas instead of exact numbers. When your partner knows that you’re not putting his or her finances under the microscope, he or she will feel more open to the discussion and less on the defensive.

Talk about money before it’s a problem. 
When a conjugal life seems on the horizon, start discussing and planning solutions to different case scenarios before they actually arise. What would you do if your account is withdrawn or you’ve maxed out on your credit cards? What if you miss a mortgage payment? What are the advantages and disadvantages of setting up joint accounts? You’ll be able to discuss potential issues calmly and collectively when you’re not under the gun of actually having to deal with them.

Trust Your Instincts. 
Does he pick up the bill without looking at it? Does she wear designer labels while she’s living off a grad school stipend? Heed the warning signs. You don’t necessarily have to delve into credit scores to find out if he or she is financially responsible, but if your partner is asking you for a loan or you’re planning a big joint purchase, don’t be afraid to do your due diligence.

Wednesday 6 November 2013

Dating Karma: Confidence is Key!

As in every aspect of our lives, what you put out there in the dating world is what you get back. Whether you buy into the principal or not, the idea behind karma makes sense. If you think you are too busy, too skinny, too overweight or too poor or too anything to attract a love match, chances are you probably won't.

If you believe there are only jerks, gold diggers, booty call seekers or crazies out there, these are probably the people you are most likely to attract. If you believe dating is a complete waste of time, it will be.

Negative thoughts have a way of manifesting themselves into our daily life. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, how can we shift our Negative Nelly thoughts about ourselves or dating? You guessed it -- confidence! This positive energy produces the most amazing results because:

it allows you to relax and have fun;
Means you take rejection lightly and not personally;
and conveys you are content with yourself, your looks and life.

Try these six booster to improve your self confidence and dating outlook:

1) Compare Yourself to No One
Recognize that you are a hot ticket with a unique set of qualities and attributes. If you believe you are special, you will attract a partner who appreciates all that only you can offer the world. Tell yourself, "I'm great just the way I am" or "I'm exciting" or "I'm a gem." Why? Because you are. This self-talk will imprint a positive self-image in your mind that will change how you see the world -- and how the world sees you in turn.

2) Wrap Yourself In Love
Surround yourself with people who treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. Weave the nay-sayers or critical people out of your life. We all need a support group who are there to lift us up and help us see the possibilities within ourselves.

3) Take Action
If you're not happy with a particular part of yourself, take action to build confidence. Perhaps it is a new gym membership or getting some advice on a new article of clothing that fits just perfectly. This could just be a tiny step, but a huge jump in your confidence.

4) Try Something New
Over time, our habits start creating ruts in our life. Step outside of those ruts and push your boundaries. Join Toastmasters, take a dance class or try improv. By pushing through your fears and stepping outside the box, you'll find yourself reaching further than you thought possible. And making a few friends along the way.

5) Say "Yes" to the Date
As you handle all the different situations you come across, you will develop a better understanding of you and want you want in a partner. It is easy to go into dating with this pre-defined image of "The One," but that may change as you forge ahead on your path to love. The more you date, the more you learn and the better at the process you will become.

In the end, everybody can use a little personal development in the self confidence area. Nobody's perfect and no one ever will be. The best way to approach this is finding a balance between being all that you can be and your willingness to accept you just the way you are.

Friday 1 November 2013

Debunking the Free Lunch - The Real Cost of Online Dating



The numbers are staggering. Over 40 million American Singles have searched for dates online in the last year. That’s 4 out of every 5 singles. And the average online dater now invests 12 hours per week in their online searches.  Five hours searching for matches, and seven hours attempting to connect and arrange a real date. This has propelled Online Dating into the #3 position in the ranking of heaviest uses of our beloved Internet. That surpasses the perennial leader – Porn, and places behind only music downloads and gaming. And the trends in Canada are similar.

Seeing these stats, I went online to learn more…and here is what I found. An online poll hosted by Plenty of Fish reported that it took the average online dater six hours of work to yield a first date – usually for coffee. And was it a match made in heaven? Unfortunately…no. In most cases the respondents were disappointed. Most often they found that the person who showed up for coffee did not closely resemble the visual image that they fell for. And the profile that they gushed over was somewhat overstated.

So while it is all the rage, online dating consumes a significant amount of time. And despite the diligence you might put into searching, responding and connecting…the end result is only as good as the accuracy and insight reflected in the profiles and pictures that you are searching through. Therein lies the challenge. It is a bit of a wild west…where the most appealing combination of picture and prose yields the responses. But once two people meet, the lack of accuracy often leads to disappointment. And overtime, disenchantment with the whole process of dating. Wasn't dating supposed to be fun?

But let’s get back to the cost. Online dating services ranges from free to  $200-$300 per year in fees. But for anyone who values their time, there are significant additional opportunity costs. A US study in the San Francisco Bay area estimated the total costs. They looked at the number of hours invested on average to get a third date. Their research indicated that on average, it required 6 hours to get a first date. On average five 1st dates led to just one 2nd date. In turn, five 2nd dates led to one 3rd date. All tallied that is twenty-five 1st dates and five 2nd dates to get that elusive 3rd date. They used the average hourly salary in the Bay area ($28US) as a proxy for the Opportunity Cost. So each first date had an ‘opportunity cost’ of 6 hours @ $28 or $168, plus $7 for coffee and croissants. That’s $175 each. Across 25 first dates, that adds up to a whopping $4375. Then they calculated the time to reconnect and set up five 2nd dinner dates at 1 hour each, plus an average dinner cost of $50. That is $78 for each 2nd date, across five dates…or $390. So the ‘real investment’ was estimated to be $4,765… if you value your time at $28 per hour. Ouch!

But what if your time is really worth $100 per hour. Then the investment jumps astronomically to $16,000. Quadruple Ouch.

And by that point, I think you would be wise to find a more time and cost-effective way to meet your match. Consider outsourcing the task to a professional matchmaker with a large database, experience in matching people and personal insight into each person they introduce you to.

If you value your time…there is no such thing as a free lunch!