Calling vsTexting: Why most singles text despite their preference to pick up the phone

Technology has no doubt greatly shifted the landscape of dating as we know it. In fact, texting has become the new first step in dating. Despite this growing trend, most professionals singles still prefer the old-fashioned way of communicating with someone they are interested in with an actual phone call. But if so many singles prefer calling versus texting, then why are those same singles more likely to text someone first than to call them first despite their preferences?
In a recent survey, It's Just Lunch asked 2,901 singles about their dating and technology habits. The results revealed that although 72.4% of singles surveyed are more likely to text someone first after swapping numbers compared to 39.9% who are more likely to call first despite the fact that 65.8% of those same singles actually prefer to call compared to 40.9% of singles who prefer to text. It certainly came as no surprise to learn that the younger the single, the higher the preference for texting while the older the single, the higher the preference for calling. Despite the differences in age, most singles all around definitely prefer calling over texting. It’s Just Lunch offers some possible reasons why so many singles are texting first despite their primary preference for calling.
Convenience. For professional singles who lead very busy lives, texting is a matter of convenience because it allows them to multi-task. They can send a text message while they are keeping busy at work, going out to lunch or heading toward the gym. It’s a quick and easy way to start a conversation.
Intimidation. When it comes to shy singles, texting creates a comfortable barrier between themselves and the person they may be too shy to connect with on a personal phone conversation. There’s also less pressure to be witty or quick on your feet when you have time to think before you text.
Fear of Rejection. Some singles, especially the younger generations of singles, are more likely to text someone first after swamping numbers because they can avoid blatant rejection. Getting turned down via text isn’t so bad compared to getting turned down over the phone. Additionally, some singles are easily discouraged by an unanswered or unreturned phone call.
Icebreaker. Other singles use texting as a strategic first move to help break the ice before placing the phone call. The rationale behind the icebreaker text is that it increases the probability of having your phone call answered by re-establishing the initial connection that instigated the phone number swap in the first place.
What about you? Do you prefer calling or texting? Does your actual behaviour reflect that preference? Now that you know more singles prefer calling over texting, how likely are you to change your dating behavior?
What are your thoughts about dating and technology?

Professional Singles and Attraction

How many dates does it usually take for you to decide whether you are attracted to someone or not? It’s Just Lunch asked its Facebook community of professional singles and the answers varied between one and three dates.

Here at It’s Just Lunch, we realize that attraction plays a huge role in the chemistry of dating. In fact, when it comes to determining romantic chemistry, most of the busy professional singles we work with focus very heavily on physical attributes, especially those who look 10 years younger than their actual age as well as those with a strong commitment to fitness and health. It’s only natural to want to be matched up with someone who looks as good and fit as yourself.

The problem with this kind of attraction, however, is that it doesn’t take into account the kind of attraction that is built over a period of time the more you get to know someone. Since time isn’t exactly a luxury for busy singles dating, there are actually a few body language tricks you could use to create instant attraction with someone you are really interested in.

#1) Always smile. Smiles are almost as contagious as sneezes and lets your date know that you are friendly and inviting. Even if you aren’t sure what to say, a smile can go a long way letting your date know that you’re having a great time and enjoy their company.

#2) Keep an open posture. Good body language conveys more than just confidence. It also conveys interest. Are your shoulders and feet facing your date or the door? Are you arms crossed or resting comfortably at your sides? Pay attention to message you’re sending with your body.

#3) Maintain eye contact. Some say that the eyes tell no lies. You can make your date feel uneasy if you’re looking everywhere in the room but at him or her, or you can signal your attraction to your date with a lingering gaze.

#4) Mirror their body language. You can put your date at ease by mimicking their tone of voice or their body language to create an illusion of being in tune with each other. It’s a great way to build rapport with someone new making it easier to connect and communicate.

In general, just be mindful of the way you communicate with your date. Only a small percentage of communication occurs through the words we speak. More than half of all the talking is actually done with your body.

Valentines Day – Past and Present

Just 3 days to go until the most romantic day of the year! As a matchmaker I thought it might be interesting and fun to look back at the history of this foundation of our Romantic traditions.

Valentines day is named after St Valentine…but there were actually a few who went by this name. The first was Valentine of Terni, a Bishop who was martyred during the reign of Emperor Aurelian in AD 197. The second and more revered was Valentine of Rome, who was also martyred in AD 269. I feel somewhat more connected to him, having visited Santa Maria in Cosmedia in Rome where his skull is kept, adorned by a flower.

I don’t know about you, but so far it seems like a huge leap from martyrdom to the traditions related to love and romance of today’s Valentines Day.

So here is the chronology, as I see it. Valentine of Rome was a Priest, dedicated to his work, providing support and comfort to early Christians by providing holy sacraments to them, including marriage. At that time, most Roman soldiers were prohibited from marriage, as it might distract their devotion to war. So Valentine of Rome would cut hearts out of parchment, and give them to his followers as a sign of love.

The evening before his execution, Valentine wrote the first Valentine Card…from himself, to the daughter of his Jailor. She had been blind, but had regained her sight, ostensibly as a result of prayers and hope.

But there was nothing tremendously romantic for many hundreds of years, until in far away England in 1382, a medieval Poet named Geoffrey Chaucer wrote the following in his book, Parlement of Foules:

“For this was seynt Volantynys day Whan euery biyrd comyth there to chese his make”. (“For this was on Saint Valentine’s Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate). Chaucer wrote this to honour the 1^st anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia. And as a footnote, here’s a fact today’s parents will cringe at - they were ultimately married at only 15 years of age!

But why February 14^th? Well, as most things from history, it may trace to a mix of old traditions and nature. The Ancient Romans celebrated a right of fertility each year between February 13-15. And separately, in Chaucer’s England, Feb 14 was a prime season for Birds to mate. Throw all of this together, and what we have is a the most romantic of days, named after a martyred Saint who began the practice of cutting out hearts from early versions of paper. A romantic poem celebrating mating season and a royal engagement, the Roman God of Love, Cupid, and 650 years of social and commercial embellishment…and there you have it. Valentines Day 2013.

But for most of us, the bigger question looking ahead is what to make of Valentines Day?

As a matchmaker, I can weigh in with some sage advice.

If you are in a relationship, or married:

• ·      Remember it!
• ·      Plan something fun and romantic.
• ·      Take the time to enjoy the day with the one you love.
• ·      Women do love flowers…and a special dinner.
• ·      And Men seem to be very happy with a card and a kiss like you mean it!

And, if you are single…don’t despair! Yes, this may seem like one of those awful days that you just need to survive. Restaurants filled with happy couples, as you shuffle off to the Fitness Club. But, remember, love could be right around the next corner for you. So take the time to have a look. Say hello to an attractive stranger in your coffee shop.  And just maybe Saint Valentine, or even Cupid may be watching. And if that doesn’t work, give me a call. Matchmakers can be just as good as Cupid…plus we take care of all the details and logistics…even Cupid doesn’t do that!

Happy Valentines!

Matchmaking: Canada versus China

As a professional matchmaker, you can imagine my surprise when I saw the Globe & Mail feature a front page story today titled “THE MATCHMAKER OF LOWER QIANTAN” (Jan 16, 2013).  Was this the face of a new competitor entering the Canadian market?

No. But it was an incredibly interesting article about the challenges in meeting a mate in modern China, where men outnumber women 118 to 100. It’s part of the China Diaries, a series of articles providing insight into life in the world’s most populated nation.

The article, written by Mark MacKinnon, focuses in on life in the remote area of Lower Qiantan. This is a small village of 700 in the remote Mountains of Hunan Province. There are 80 single men with no match in sight! Across China, a severe shortage of women make it hard and expensive to find a wife. How different than here in Canada where the ranks of successful professional women find their world devoid of eligible men!

The 98 year old local matchmaker, Long Hongxiang, stands just over 3 feet tall, and has arranged the vast majority of marriages over the last 80 years that she has practiced her trade. In the pre-revolutionary days, she would set up matches at the front gates of homes with eligible females. The betrothed would not even meet until the wedding. Love was something you worked on afterwards. Divorce…unheard of. Today, the vast shortage of women mean that the families of the single men must offer a vast dowry in order to have their offer of marriage even considered.

Well folks, dating might seem challenging here in Canada, but  its mostly all fun in comparison.  I can honestly say I have never ben asked to negotiate a dowry! And in our service…yes, you get to meet face to face! I do hear many single women, particularly hose over 40, say that there are just no single men. But the facts don’t really support this. The Canadian population is fairly evenly split by sex until age 70+, when we begin to see the impact of women outliving their male counterparts.

So why does this perception exist? I think it traces to the fact that many women become very specific when they look for a mate, and this process narrows the field down prematurely. One of my most interesting observations is that when I get the chance to meet a couple who have been married 10+ years, I find that in many cases, the mate that they selected and are very happy with, would not have fit their ’list’. But for some fortuitous reason, Fate brought them together. And Fate was correct.

So here’s my suggestion for Canadian Singles in 2013. For the men, be happy you face even odds here in Canada. You won’t need to ask your family to raise a dowry for find a woman! Just be yourself, and take some time to connect, and you should be fine.

And for women…maybe its time to open up your ‘list’. Don’t focus on being overly specific. Take the time to get to know someone who seems to share the same values and goals. And you may find Fate is on your side.

And speaking of Fate…I must say I like the ancient Chinese belief that every marriage you arrange adds 3 years to the matchmakers life!

Finding a Mate tops this Years New Years resolution for Singles

The start of a New Year offers an ideal time for each of us to take a look at our lives, and make a few resolutions to enhance our existence! For many Canadians, losing weight, and cleaning up surroundings top the list. But for the millions of singles, finding their soul mate is usually Number 1.

So if this sounds like you, I would ask you to consider a new strategy to achieve your goal. As Einstein said, the definition of Insanity is Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome. And as a matchmaker, I think this definitely applies to dating.

An ever popular, and yet so unsuccessful strategy is to head out on New Years Eve with a few single friends, imbibe in the spirit of the night, and hope to ‘bump into that perfect mate’ who has eluded you all these years. If life were a fairy tale, then this would be a great strategy! If you are single, you may ever have tried this once or twice. But the probability in this complex world, that your future soul mate will just happen to be at the same bar at 11:59 pm New Years Eve is unfortunately highly unlikely.

So I would recommend a more structured approach to such an important quest.

One option would be to connect your goal of meeting someone, with another popular goal – getting in shape. There can be magic in this combination. So join a health club, or take up Yoga. You might just meet someone who at least shares your goal of a healthier lifestyle. And even if you don’t, you will be energized, feel better about yourself, and frankly, be a more attractive date.

Increasingly, busy singles are looking to dating services to help increase their probability of finding a good match. And this time of year, the numbers support the popularity of this choice. Many online dating sites report traffic increases of 15-20%.

Online dating sites typically provide an online profile of each member that can help you screen to what you perceive as a promising match. This can help you whittle the ‘thousands in your city’ down to ‘hundreds’. Just keep in mind that these profiles are self-authored, and may somewhat overstate the interests, attributes and activities. And with the large numbers now connecting through these sites, you may end up feeling like you have just signed up for a second job!

So for the truly busy, I would recommend they consider talking to a professional matchmaker. The advantage that this offers is that a real person, who is a specialist in matching couples, will get to know you, and work within their networks to find what they believe may be a great match. This can be a major advantage. Asking a dating expert to get to know you, and suggest matches that they believe could be a great fit for you, changes the game. Your personal ‘filters’ and ‘lists’, which may have led you to completely overlook potentially promising matches in your past, become less of a factor. And you may be surprised how much you enjoy being with a match selected just for you by a dating expert.

Another big plus is that most Professional Matchmakers will do all the logistic work for you, checking both your calendars, selecting a venue, and making the arrangements. So all you have to do is show up and have fun! And the better matchmakers will also follow up to get your thoughts on their latest match, to help guide their future selections.

And here is one interesting tidbit that I have observed over my years as a matchmaker. When I meet happily married couples who have been together at least 7 years, I often ask them if their spouse would have been on their initial ‘shopping list.’ And far more often than not, the answer is no. But when they met, they sensed chemistry and attraction.

So if finding a mate is on your 2013 To Do List, get on it today.  But take some advice from both me, and Einstein, and try a different approach.

Remember…Valentines Day is just 6 weeks away!

Find your dream date on the flip side!

As matchmaker, I am always amazed at how many women come in with a ‘list’ that begins with height – “He must be 6’ tall or more!” Plus, he must be confident, intelligent, successful, fun, great looking, and he Must Love Dogs!

But the average Canadian male is 5’9”. So right away these smart, savvy women are eliminating well over 50% of the available male population. In fact, only 14% of men are 6’ tall or taller. So Ladies, your 6’ rule eliminated 86% of your matches.

Now, I am known for my love of stylish shoes. My favourites just seem to come with 4-inch heels! And I know most women do like the idea that their man would still be a bit taller than them if they have their heels on. But the average Canadian woman is just 5’4”. So even with the 3” height enhancement of your rakish 4” stilettos versus the 1” heel of his typical male dress shoe, the average man would still be a comfortable 2 inches above ‘his woman’.

What’s more Ladies, there are some pretty hot guys your list would exclude! For fun, I took a look at CBC’s 2011 Top 10 Hottest Guy survey. And of those Ten Hottest Guys, guess how many were less that your 6’ rule?

Six!  That’s right…6 out of the 10 Hottest Men. 60% of the Best of the Best!

So come-on, would you really pass up a date with Scott Speedman, Allan Hawco, Jason Priestly, Seth Rogen, Sidney Crosby, or George Stroumboulopolis??? Not in this life. But yes Ladies, they are all shorter than 6’.  And your list excludes them.

And let’s check out Hollywood. Here are just some of the world’s most popular guys who measure 5’8” and under:

5’8”: Zac Efron, Mel Gibson, Jesse Bradford and Mark Walburg.

5’7”: Tom Cruise, Christian Slater, Ben Stiller, and Al Pacino

5’6”: Jack Black, Daniel Radcliffe, Elijah Wood, and Woody Allen

5’5”: Michael J Fox, Dustin Hoffman, Bruno Mars, and Hawaii 5-0’s Scott Caan (Dano)

And at 5’4”, some of the sexiest: Emilio Estevez, Richard Dreyfus, and James Cagney - #8 on the American Film Institute all time list of screen legends!

So what would I recommend? How about this as a start - Rip up your play list…and check out the flip side.  You will find a cornucopia of men…talented, witty, confident, hot, single, and they might even love Dogs! In most cases, they will still be taller than you, even with your heels on. And if they’re not, do you really care!

As Humphrey Bogart  (5’8”) once said, “Here’s lookin at you, Kid!”