Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Pump Up the Positivity in Your Dating Life

How do you see your dating life? Are you embracing it for all it has to offer you? Or do you see it as more of a chore, a thing you have to do to move on to the next step? How you view dating may have an impact on how it progresses.

According to Barbara Fredrickson, author of "Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive", says that "positive emotions, like all emotions, arise from HOW you interpret events and ideas as they unfold. They depend on whether you allow yourself to take a moment to find the good, and on whether, once you found it, you pump that goodness up and let it grow."

Don't confuse positivity with "Pollyanna" way of thinking. It is not unjustified "everything is okay dokey" way of thinking but rather the power of "non-negative" thinking. It is a way of seeing something as it is without applying a heavy dose of raining on your own parade. It really comes down to how you talk to yourself.

Often times in the Age of Distraction, we allow our minds to become cluttered with worries, fears, doubts and demands. Our views become narrow as we focus on the negative, creating this downward spiral of emotions. It's also contagious. Once the negativity has been unleashed, it spreads through aspects of our life. 

The flip side of that coin is that positivity and related emotions are ALSO contagious. It can set off positive vibes for you and those around you. One act can inspire another. One thought can inspire another. 

Here are a few tips for inspiring positivity in your dating life:

Stop Measuring, Start Reassuring
You are a unique person with amazing talents and characteristics. If you believe you are special, you will attract a partner who appreciates what you have to offer. Don't judge yourself or compare yourself to others. You may be comparing your B- quality to their A+, but your overlooking your A+ attribute when you do so. When you catch yourself doing it, give yourself a compliment. Turn your thought around so it highlights your strengths rather than ruminating on areas you can build upon.

Step Outside Your Boundaries
Sometimes by doing the things we have told ourselves we "can't", we can the confidence because we could. Step outside your boundaries. Join Toastmasters, take a dance class or learn improv, go horseback riding or parachuting. Push through your fears and you'll find yourself thinking "I can" next time you encounter a hurdle.

Experience & Exposure
There are two things that generate confidence and a positive spin on activities: experience and exposure. The more you do something, the better you get and the more comfortable you are doing it. By dating more, it will reinforce positive feelings about yourself and boost your confidence in your ability. 

In the end, make sure you talk to yourself as you would your best friend. Be supportive and look for aspects that are less negative. It's a growth process for everyone.