Sunday, 2 March 2014

When They Don't Call

You had the most incredible first date with a person you thought had massive potential. In fact, you felt so positive about the encounter that you were willing to bet the second date would blow the first one out of the water. You couldn't quit talking about the event with your bestie while you wait . . . and wait . . . for the call that never comes.

You start to obsess, rationalize and wonder what went wrong with anyone who would listen. Did you imagine the chemistry? Perhaps there was something wrong with your hair? Did you give him the wrong digits? Maybe she lost her phone? Did you say something wrong?

Your pals are supportive and say "it's not you, it's him/her" but you still want to know why your dream date has suddenly vanished. Why ---

Stop right there. Avoid the personal blame game. Don't go down the obsession road. It's never pretty and will only take a good sized chunk of your self-confidence.

There's only one person that knows why the other person didn't call. It's not you. It's not your mother, the cat or the girl behind the coffee counter. It's the person you went out with. Drop your date one follow-up email (READ: That's one as in single, solo, once. It's not repeatedly throughout the day and at odd hours of the night). If you don't receive a response, cut your emotional ties right away and go on your merry way.

He may have lost his job, realized she's not over her last relationship, or their non-committer tendencies took over. Regardless, the key isn't to take it personally. There are billions of people on this planet, so even if there was no chemistry or connection on his/her part, who cares? There are plenty more out there. And, his/her lack of communication with you only opened the door for the right one.

I'm not going to say it isn't tough. No one likes rejection. But the true mark of successful dating isn't when they call for a second date. It's have the courage to stand up after stumbling and head back out into the field.

This brings up another issue, a causal factor, one might say. Many times, at the end of the date, one or both parties say that they've had a wonderful time and would like to do it again, sometime.  Even if they don't mean it.

As a matter of good dating etiquette, it's always better to be honest.  If you're not interested in seeing someone again, at the end of a date,  tell them it was great meeting them but that you don't feel any chemistry.  This way, no one is left wondering when you don't call.