Wednesday, 23 September 2015

The More Honest You Are, The Better Your Next Date

As a matchmaker, I have heard all kinds of crazy, off the wall, can't-believe-I-just-heard-that reasons as to why a man or woman doesn't want to see their date again.

In many cases, the client turns on the matchmaking  team and blames the lackluster first date on the matchmaker. Need an example? Here are just a few:

"You sent me out on a date with someone who is clearly emotionally unavailable."

"They're just looking to hook up and that is not why I am here."

"I asked for sensitive and you set me up with someone who only wanted to talk about themselves the whole night."

What people do in this situation is put the blame on the matchmaker.  "You did this" or "It's your fault" is a common way of deflecting from the truth -- you're not into them.

You're not interested in your date. That's fine. We all have dud evenings. The truth of it is, the more honest you are with yourself, your matchmaker -- the better your next match will be.

If you don't want to see someone again, say that. Know enough about yourself to be able to pinpoint what the turn off was or things you found a bit annoying. Tell your matchmaker. Don't blame them because the chemistry wasn't there. Give them the recipe to help find it for the next date.

That being said, if your dream guy fails to text you post-cocktail meet-up, accept that he isn't into you. End of that romance story. Don't blame him for shortcomings, nearsightedness. This is a defense mechanism that prevents you from growing from the personal experience.

The key here is that you don't have to be interested in a relationship with every person you encounter . . . and neither do they. Drop your defenses and be honest. It's really the only way to take a first date to the next step.