Thursday, 3 July 2014

Why a Second Chance May Be Your Key to Finding True Love

I'm not going to lie. The end of a date can be a bit awkward. Do you offer them your card and leave the ball in their court? Do you ask for a second date? Do you thank your date for an awesome lunch (brunch, coffee, whatever) and leave it at that? Well, its a bit tricky and it comes down to instincts.

At this point of the date, you are in one of three places:

1) Elation: You're excited and want to see them again!
2) Not feeling it: You're convinced this person is not your match.
3) Uncertainty: Perhaps it wasn't idea, but you don't feel the urge to run away as soon as the tab is paid.

While it is clear that you should ask for a second date with the first one, perhaps you should consider tossing your hat in the ring for another round with 2 and 3.  In short, before you press the built-in rejection button, remember that you only need to determine whether you want to see them again. That's it.

While first impressions are important and your time is precious, there is a point to giving someone a second chance. A lot of people suffer from first-date jitters. In fact, fear is the number one cause for first-date disasters and often leads to over-talking or out of character shyness. Some people may show up for the encounter with residue from their day lingering in their mind. In short, their true self may not be at the first date.

Before leaving it at "Thank you. Good luck," there are two areas where you should check in with yourself.  The first is compatibility. Do you have anything in common? Enjoy the same hobby, perhaps? The second involves a quick check with your instincts. Ask yourself how they make you feel or how they treat you.  Trust your instincts. You'll be surprised how perceptive you are.

An instinctive gut feeling can draw you to Mr. or Mrs. Right even if they don't match all your criteria on paper. You probably have friends who are with partners who you never thought they'd be with.

I usually recommend two or three dates before you rule someone out completely.  By the third date, you will have enough data to make a solid assessment about the other person and their future role in your life -- even if it is nothing other than friends.

Regardless, it's important to be straightforward, however you feel about the other person. Tell them if you are interested in seeing them again or not. Most people will appreciate it when you speak your mind. Don't make false promises about what may come next if you're not into them.