Dating Advice from the 1930s

Recently, a 1938 guide to dating for single women appeared online. “Careless women never appeal to gentleman. Don’t talk while dancing, for when a man dances, he wants to dance,” advises the author.  In another statement, ladies were counseled, “Don’t tug at your girdle,” and “Men don’t like girls who borrow their handkerchief and smudge them with lipstick.”

Eye-opening? As long as men and women have co-mingled, there have been strong ideas on the do’s and don’ts of dating. Are yesteryear’s words to the wise still applicable in the here and now? Have we evolved?

Yes and no. Girdles and kerchiefs are clearly things of the past, but much more has changed since the retro era of the 30’s: defined gender roles have since dissolved, conventions loosened, and technology has altered the way that we relate and communicate with each other. Men and women, more or less, stand on equal ground on just about every front: professional, political, and personal, and increased mobility means that our populations are more diverse and multicultural than ever.

That said, no longer bound by hard and fast rules, the modern single has a tricky scene to navigate. Misunderstandings are more likely to abound. Despite our contemporary lifestyles, many of us still have the ultimate goal of achieving and maintaining a solid, traditional relationship.  How to strike a balance between the ever-evolving day to day with old-fashioned values?

The crux of our advice at It’s Just Lunch, focuses on human relations, regardless of gender.  What message are you sending when you’re making  (or avoiding) eye contact? What makes a good first impression? How do you set the scene for romance?  Whatever the era, there are some universal, common-sense rules to abide by. “Don’t drink too much,” advises the 1938 guide.  “Greet your date with a smile.” Though our daily lifestyles have evolved, courtesy and friendliness never change.

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Take Back Your Lunch Hour

Once a revered staple of the working day, "lunch hours" have become a relic of the past. Lost are the days when employees would leave a note on their chair saying "Out to Lunch."  Sadly, these breaks from the office have been replaced with meals eaten at the desk with our eyes glued to our Blackberries or computer screens.

According to a 2012 survey of North American works by Right Management, only one in five workers reported taking a real break for lunch. Thirty-nine percent of employees say they lunch at their desk. But 28% report seldom taking any break whatsoever. All in all, 81% are not taking what used to be considered a real lunch break.

“We might infer that far fewer employees are feeling comfortable enough with their work loads and demands to actually take time away to enjoy breaks for meals,“  said Michael Haid, Senior Vice President for Talent Management at Right Management in a press release. “This is yet another warning sign of the relentless stress experienced by workers in the U.S. and Canada. Of course, they may have lunch, but it doesn't constitute a real break from work as they must also monitor the phone and email or do any number of other work related tasks while eating.”

Skipping your 60 minutes away from the desk may actually make your life harder. Afternoon energy levels wane, resulting in decreased mental acuity and lower levels of productivity. Sure, in today’s competitive work place, the pressure is on to deliver results in volume and speed, but since when has the fear of lagging behind the pack overcome the basic and healthy need of having a midday meal?

Fact is, though employer and client demands may seem pressing, you can’t afford not to have lunch. A noontime pause is a good time to recalibrate and fine tune other areas of your life. You can reap the benefits, both professionally and personally, from a bit of mental and physical refreshment.

So, how can you take back your lunch hour? Here are a few ideas:

HAVE A PLAN
You don't take a vacation or go into the weekend without an idea of what you may want to do, do you? Approach you time away from the desk in the same manner. Making a plan for meal time will ensure that you don't default to a ham & swiss a la cubicle.

CONNECT FACE-TO-FACE
The great part about lunch time is that everyone should take one. Use your 60 minutes to connect with friends, family or even a possible date. These human encounters have become increasingly valuable in our digital world. Do you want to get to know your colleague better? Ask him for coffee and sandwiches at a nearby café. What about the acquaintance that has romantic potential? Dine her at the trattoria around the corner.

Intimate yet informal, lunch is a session that’s long enough to build bonds, yet short enough to fit easily into your schedule.  And yes, those 45 minutes to an hour be yond the cubicle walls can make a big difference when it comes to relationships—platonic, romantic, business, and otherwise. So go ahead, reach out, and pencil in a lunch date.

OR CONNECT WITH YOURSELF
According to a Huffington Post article, "LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner finds time every day to do nothing. And as one of the most powerful executives in the tech world, it's certainly not because he isn't busy: Weiner says that leaving gaps in his schedule is the "single most important productivity tool" he uses."

In fact, in a blog post by Weiner, he states "That thinking, if done properly, requires uninterrupted focus; thoroughly developing and questioning assumptions; synthesizing all of the data, information and knowledge that's incessantly coming your way; connecting dots, bouncing ideas off of trusted colleagues; and iterating through multiple scenarios. In other words, it takes time. And that time will only be available if you carve it out for yourself." Take time out of your day to connect, process and de-stress.

So, the next time noon rolls around, I challenge you to step away from your desk and do something non-work related. Get in touch with others or yourself. Make your break count and see how it will add a bit more energy or spark to your work day.


Resources:

• Right Management Lunch Survey
• Huffington Post: Why LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner Makes Time to Do Nothing
• LinkedIn: The Importance of Scheduling Nothing 

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Have Them at Hello - Conversation Starter Tips

"I like men with quick wit, good conversation and a great sense of humour. I love banter. I want a man to like me for me - I want him to be authentic." -- Emma Watson 

You spot someone across the room, your eyes lock, you feel a little giddy and there's a sense of excitement in the air. What do you do?

Walking up to a total stranger and starting a conversation can be terrifying. Learning to overcome your fears and approaching the person who caught your eye is worth the risk. Remember, more often than not, they have the same fears as you. Someone has to break the ice.  Why can't it be you?

Here are a few ways to initiate banter with someone of interest without running the risk of blatant rejection:

1) Incorporate elements from your surroundings
Observe what is going on around you as a launching point. Ask the person what inspired them to take the class or if the #20 is always this crowded at this time of night.

2) Pay them a compliment
"I love your tie/jacket/ring" and then tell them why you like it: "It reminds me of . . . "  The best way to get them involved, ask a follow up question: "Is purple your favorite color?"

3) Ask questions that interest you. 
Ask the person of interest a question that popped into your head or that you are wondering about that goes beyond the time. Trust your gut, go with your instincts and be authentic.

When there is someone you really want to talk to but are at a loss for words, just remember that you can never go wrong asking someone a question or paying someone a compliment. When you start a conversation with someone, your primary goal should be to assess how the person interacts with you and whether you should continue to engage them in conversation or move on to someone else more likely to engage you in conversation.

No matter how much you stammer or stumble at the beginning, you will do 100% better than those who do nothing at all.

What are some other ways you've tried to start a conversation with someone? Send us a message on Facebook to share your story or ask us your dating questions.

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